Praise the LORD!!!
"Out of the LIGHT." I pray you'll enjoy it. You can read it here or If you would prefer, download the book and read it at your leisure. Just use the button below. It is currently available in two formats: PDF for Adobe Reader and WPF for Word Perfect. Take your choice and enjoy!!!
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Introduction
From a rocky start, under the wing of protection, to an early call, at once answered, only to fall away
quickly. This is the testimony of a man who has felt the call of the LORD thru out his life. Only to turn a
deaf ear unto HIM. Until that fateful night when all prayers seemed unanswered, and a deep cry went out.
Not unto heaven, but down into hell.
What came about next was not of eternal damnation, but from OUT of the LIGHT.
Blind, and with eyes,
Deaf, and with ears.
Out of the light,
Was a cure for all fears!
May GOD bless your reading of this book, and if you don't know CHRIST as your personal LORD and
SAVIOR, may you soon approach the throne of grace on humble knees to do so!
OUT of the LIGHT
Out of the Light?
"Out of the Light" does not mean that I've left the presence of the LORD. What it does mean, is that as
the apostle Paul did, so do I. For if Paul, or any of us, had not stepped out of the glory of GOD that was
shining upon him, his ministry would not of taken place. We must step out into the darkness of the world
to do the works the LORD has set forth for us. We strive to stay in a personal relationship with JESUS,
but we must walk in the darkness in order to do the works.
If I hadn't stepped out from the glory, the world could not of learned the truths the LORD has laid upon
my heart. The works of this, HIS ministry for me, would of been of no benefit to others. In stepping "out
of the light" all that the LORD has done in my life will be revealed unto those HE leads me to effect in
some way, shape or form.
My relationship with the LORD is stronger today then ever before and tomorrow, LORD willing, it will
be even stronger. Our walk with JESUS is a day in and day out ordeal which grows with every breath we
take and with every heartbeat the LORD blesses us with. I pray that with your reading of my testimony the
HOLY SPIRIT will convict your heart with the need of a more personal relationship with JESUS. The only
one that was willing to suffer upon the cross for you and I. HIS love is greater then anything this world has
to offer and a personal relationship with JESUS is like nothing you can ever experience without HIM!!!
The turning point.
Sitting in Greene county jail, in Springfield, Missouri, pondering how badly I’d messed up my life. You
see, I’ve just been arrested for my part in an armed bank robbery. Boy, have things really gone from rock
bottom to under that rock. I’ve gotten a little ahead of myself though, let me fill you in on how I got to this
point.
I’d been living with my family of five in another persons attic, trying to make ends meet, working when
the weather and my ‘tude’ would allow me. It seemed like everything just kept falling apart. The harder I
tried to improve our lives, the worse they got.
Things had actually started to look better. A friend of the girl that we were living with, had given us a
van. An ‘85' Dodge conversion, new wheels and tires and in great shape. It just needed a head gasket
replaced. He given me a signed title and a bill of sale for one cent and we could pay him the rest of the
$350 when things got better. You couldn’t of asked for anything better. Now I could get to work without
borrowing our friends car and being indebted to her even more.
For several months, I’d been roofing with Tim, then his company fell apart because of his crazy lifestyle.
Him, his brother and I had talked about robbing this little bank just outside of the Springfield city limits. It
sat all by itself on a side road, a little ways off the highway, with plenty of small country roads around it.
The perfect place to hit. Heck, it would take the county sherif at least 10 minutes to respond, it was that
far out. We had even started to do it three times, but each time something strangely went wrong. Once we
were about a quarter of a mile away, parked on the side of the road putting our mask on and loading the
weapons. When some old lady pulled up to check her mail, she got a good look at three guys, sawed off
shotguns and the truck. Needless to say, we got out of there and went somewhere to think things out
better, again!
It had been several weeks and we had placed the robbery on the back burner. Hoping things would turn
around for the better. They didn’t. Everything just seemed to turn for the worst. On the night of January 2 ,
1995, I was at the lowest point emotionally that I could remember. I went to bed praying like never before.
I was praying to GOD for help out of this mess I’d made for myself and family. I prayed that he would in
some way provide the money needed to get out of this attic and into a house of our own. After some time
in prayer, the tone of my prayer changed! “Oh GOD, I’ve prayed my heart out for YOUR help in this our
time of need. But my prayers have fallen upon deaf ears and YOU’ve not come to our aid. If YOU’ll not
answer me, I’ll pray to one that will”. “Dear lord satan, lift up this family that is in great need, for GOD has
not answered my prayers!” What this prayer brought into being was not of the devil, but was by the hand
of GOD, to turn my life towards HIM, as HE had planned it to be from eternity past.
We’d decided to do this thing on one of the best banking days of the year, the first banking day of the
year, January 3, 1995. This is one of two dates I’ll never forget! On New Years day, Jeff (Tim’s brother)
decided to take his shotgun apart and clean it. It was an old, break action 12 gauge that I’d sawed off to
about sixteen inch total (I’d been a registered gunsmith up until three month prior.) Well in the cleaning
process he broke the hammer release spring and trashed this weapon. Pissing him off, he decided to go out
drinking and ended up getting busted that night. Tim and I decided to call off the robbery again. On the
morning of the third, I was getting ready to go to work, on a framing job, and the van wouldn’t start. It
was the coldest day of that year and everything was frozen. I decided to give it a small shot of ether, so I
took off the doghouse and air cleaner to do so. Giving it one short blast of ether, I figured it would fire
right up. Boy was I right! What an understatement!
Suddenly, I’ve got flames bouncing off the roof of the van. The whole motor was on fire. I snatch my
sweatshirt off and tried to smother the flames, no luck. Tim tries turning the hose on, but it’s frozen solid.
He runs inside and tells Nancy, my wife, and brings out a sauce pan of water. This didn’t even touch the
blaze that was going by then. I’m in the driver’s seat, pulling wires and hoses off the top of the motor and
from under the dash, barehanded (remember this for later) and nothing seems to be working. Nancy (at
4'10'’, 100 lb). finally gets there with a big pan of water and we got it out. I asked her what took so long
and she’d had to ripe the backdoor open. (She sure did, jamb and all right out of the wall.)
Tim and I are standing there watching the dash melt onto the motor and he pipes up, “well, the way I see
it, you’ve nothing to lose, just drive my girlfriends car (switch vehicle) and I’ll do the rest.” At this point I
couldn’t think about anything, but how badly things had gotten. I said, “F*** it, lets do it!” We loaded up
the car and the truck with the gear (mask, shotguns and ammo) and headed off to gas up and do the job.
I parked by the James River in a little pull off area, loaded the Mossberg pump and waited for Tim to do
his thing at the bank. I’d waited for about 45 minutes and was getting ready to leave, I thought something
had gone wrong (I was only two minutes from the bank), when here come Tim. I started the car, let him
drive by to the next pull off and pulled up along side. He threw his briefcase into the front seat and climbed
in quickly. Off we went to the bus station, were we’d planned to split up and later meet up in Harrison,
Arkansas. On the way, he opened the briefcase and it was full of loose bills and bundles. Man things were
looking better, a lot better. He grabbed a sack of potato chips off the floor, dumped what was left inside,
out on the floor and packed it half full of loose bills. Rolled it up and stuck it between the seats. Then he
took a bundle of $100's and split it up. Sticking half of it in his suit coat pocket and I put the rest in my
shirt pocket. He had my little ‘snake charmer’ (410 break action made into a pistol) sitting on the front seat
and the Mossberg lying across his lap. He wanted to drive fast, but I convinced him that we should take it
easy, the front end of the car was loose and we didn’t want to draw undue attention to ourselves. We got
to the bus station with no problems, we’d even passed about twenty cops on the way there. All without a
hitch, they didn’t even give us a second look. I dropped him off at the station and told him, ‘we (Nancy,
the kids and I) would meet him at the motel in Harrison later in the night’, so off he went. At this point I’d
no idea off what had gone on in the robbery. Boy did I have an awakening coming!
I went back to the house, where Nancy and Tina (Tim’s current girlfriend) were waiting. I told them that
I’d decided not to go to work because of the fire and that Tim had gotten paid for a job he’d done, so I had
money to get a vehicle. Grabbing a bite to eat, we headed down the street to a car dealership and put a
grand down on an old Suburban. It wouldn’t be ready for pickup for an hour or so, so we went to the
super center and bought some stuff and then over to the ‘Waffle House’ for breakfast. Afterwards, we
went and picked up the truck and went home to load it for the move.
At this point in time Nancy knew about the robbery, I’d told her the night before, but Tina wasn’t
supposed to know a thing. I gave her $500 an said that she needed to go home and pack everything she
could in her car and be ready to leave for Harrison to meet up with Tim later in the day. Which she did, not
asking a single question, at this point I kind of knew Tim had told her also.
Nancy and I began loading up the truck with the things we needed to live out in the woods. I’d already
sorted this stuff out of all our belongings. We had almost everything done when the city cops showed up,
this was around 2 PM (the robbery was at 9 AM). There were six or seven of them and they questioned
Nancy and I separately. Her in the house and me out in the alley by the truck. The questions they asked,
dumb-founded me. “What kind of dope was Tim on this morning when I last saw him?” I ask them what
they meant. To which they began to tell me something that would rock my world. They said “that it was
the only reason they could think of, why someone would successfully rob a bank and then before leaving,
stop and say “My name is Tim M**** and you can tell the cops to kiss my as*” Needless to say my jaw hit
the ground. “What? Did he say?” Man had things looked great up until that moment. Suddenly everything
took on a whole new appearance. One where all the troubles of months before were pale in comparison.
All I could think of was getting my hands around Tim’s throat and choking the life out of him. With each
question they asked, I formulated a story, one that I’d stick to no matter what came about. I was well
versed in lying and this wouldn’t be much of a problem. After all their questions were answered, they said
to stick around, others would be by to ask me more. This was an understatement. Next came the county
sheriffs, then the State Police and then the FBI. The questions were the same and so were my answers. As
it was, they had nothing on me, I’d just worked with Tim and his P.O. had me down as an acquaintance.
After the FBI had left Nancy yelled at me. They had the robbery tapes on the news. Sure enough, you
could see where he’d robbed them, headed for the door and then stopped, turned around and said
something to the tellers! Talk about a man that was ready to kill someone, I was at that point! Not only
had he told his name, but he hadn’t worn a mask, he even had his arms on the counter with his sleeves
rolled up, showing his tattoos clearly. This wouldn’t of been to bad for anyone else, but Tim had been
incarcerated three times before and they all had pictures of his art. Not to mention his fingerprints, which
he left a clear set of at each tellers slot! I was fuming, even after smoking a big joint, so I told Nancy I was
going down to gas up the truck and we would hit the road shortly.
I went down the street to the quick-mart, gassed up the truck and paid for it inside. There were no cops
in sight anywhere, so I went over and checked the air pressure in all the tires. After which I decided to
drive back to the house through the alley behind the store, which came out across the street from the
house. As I entered the alley my heart stopped for a second. It looked like every cop in Springfield was
there, in full riot gear, armed to the teeth! Two cars on one side, three on the other. All with their doors
open and automatic weapons hanging out. Talk about an adrenaline rush. Not just adrenaline, but damn did
my ego get a boost! This was all for me. A lowly construction worker, trying to get my family out of
poverty. Needless to say, unarmed and slightly out numbered, I just backed the truck up and drove to the
house. I parked it in the backyard, locked it up and locking the back gate also. Going into the house, I told
Nancy we’d leave early in the morning for Arkansas to meet up with Tim. We’d better get a good night’s
sleep after everything that had happened. We burned another hogleg of a joint and she went to sleep.
My night was spent walking back and forth the attic, looking out the windows with either binoculars or
the scope on my high powered rifle (6.5x55 Swedish Mauser), with the Mossberg not far away. I changed
out the sequence on the rounds in it though. Instead of a birdshot in the chamber, a double 00 buck filled
the spot. Followed by a slug, another buckshot, another slug alternating for seven rounds. It was loaded
hot and ready to rock. My mind was going at hyper speed, thinking of all the possible ways this would go
down. I had the doors blocked and rigged to give ample warning of any intruder. The kids where
downstairs sleeping with our friend’s children, safe and out of harms way. I knew that if the cops hit the
house, they’d empty it of innocents, so everyone but Nancy and I were out of the way. Somewhere during
the night, I fell asleep and the strange thing about it, it was a deep and restful sleep.
As the sun rose, so did I. With a quick look around the house, nothing was happening, there wasn’t even
a single car on College St.. It was around 5 AM, so Nancy and I rolled a joint, burned it and then had
some quick sex. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Around 7 AM, I went to let Wizard, our cat out. As I
did so, two old men came walking up to me. They identified themselves as FBI agents and asked if they
could ask me some more questions. I hadn’t noticed, but they didn’t drive up, they just showed up out of
nowhere. I said, ‘why not and that I didn’t know how I could help them out.’ They came in, totally
unarmed, with just a briefcase between them. One sat to my left on the couch with me and the other to my
right, with the briefcase on his lap. The one on my left began asking the same line of questions as the day
before. So my answers were exactly the same!
After sometime, the other agent suddenly spoke up. “Mr. Barth, before you say anymore, we caught
your partner last night, down in Harrison and he told us everything.” I answered back, that I didn’t know
what they were talking about, I’d told them all that I knew about the prior day’s events. He began to tell
me about all the events of the day before, even down to minute detail. Still, I stuck to my story, never
batting an eye to the truth. Then they dropped the bomb on me. He told me exactly how Tim had taken the
money and split it up. I mean exactly, right down to the detail of where we each put it. Someone had just
turned my world upside down. I could see no way out, which there wasn’t, so I asked them what I could
help them with. To this they replied, “Nothing, your partner told us everything!” Boy, what an
understatement that was.
Seeing that things were hopeless, I quickly decided to make the best of it. I asked if they’d like the
money that I had back. To which they answered yes, but first we must cuff you. After cuffing, I led them
upstairs to where I had the $100's hid. A work boot worth $6000. Then outside to the kiddie pool filled
with trash from the back yard cleanup. There I showed them a chip sack, bundled up and stuffed in the pile.
It contained over $10,000. They checked some of the bills against a list of ‘bait bills’, something I’d never
heard of, and they matched. In the time this is happening Nancy is in the kitchen getting the kids feed and
preparing me something quick to eat. I’m hypoglycemic and need to keep my sugar level balanced. The
agents let me eat four slices of sugar-cinnamon toast and its off to Greene County jail for booking.
Things really begin to get interesting about now. While being printed, its discovered that I don’t have any
prints, none at all, this was due to my doing roofing. But this isn’t what’s interesting. My hands didn’t have
a single burn upon them! I’d pulled burning wires and hoses off the van motor, with dripping insulation and
all and I didn’t even have a burnt hair (I’ve hairy hands!) How did this happen? Questions begin to fill my
mind. Not a single answer though. My mind really begins to quicken as to the events of the last several
days, but still no answers were to be found.
All I could think about was how badly I’d messed up. Sure things had been bad, but nowhere near as bad
as they were now. All the events of the last several months began to play through my mind, seemingly at
one time. I felt a mental overload coming on, so I decide to find something to read. All I could find is a
little book called “Prison To Praise” by Merlin Carothers. Man, this is really what I need to read at a time
like this, I thought, but it’s the only thing there is, so why not. I picked up this book hoping to still my
mind of all the questions, but it just opened up a whole new set of them. Many of which were those type of
questions that you’ve always wondered about, but never fully search out the answers. Questions that
seemingly have no real answers.
Staying awake most of this night, reading and re-reading this little book. The questions continue. I had
to know more, but where do I get the answers? I’m not totally unaware about spiritual matters, having
been raised in the church until twelve years old, but where do I find these answers. Then it hits me. I’ve got
to find a Bible, Carothers kept saying the answers were there, so let me find them for myself. I go out into
the day room and ask if anyone has a Bible I can borrow. The answer is no, so I go back in and start
reading again. About this time there’s a call for breakfast, so off to the chow hall I go, without a second
thought about a Bible. On returning to the pod, strangely, there’s a Bible lying on one of the tables. I asked
who’s it was and someone said that some guy had just been released and he left it. I snatched it up and off
to my cell I went. I’d just eaten and I suddenly had a great hunger for something different. What it was, I
didn’t know, but I was going to get some answers.
Over the next 48 hours I read thru “Prison To Praise” several more times, each time I followed up the
reading by checking out all the Bible verses. Then I even went deeper into reading the Bible. At times my
heart seemed to be torn from my chest, at others there was this overwhelming peace. I couldn’t explain any
of it, which was highly unusual for me. I’d always had an answer for things. But now, I was dumb founded.
Could what Carothers was saying be true? Could the answers to my current problems lie within the pages
of the Bible? It was going to be a long sleepless night. One that I’d not forget for the rest of my life. One
that was going to be the turning point, from all that I thought life was about, to that which life truly was
supposed to be.
The next morning (Jan.7, 1995)7 AM) at chow call I remained in the cell. This left me there by myself.
To my knees I fell and I began to pray, “Dear LORD JESUS, I’ve made such a mess of my life, I can’t go
on living like this anymore. If YOU’re truly out there forgive me of my sins and help me correct my life.”
Suddenly from amongst the tears of sorrow something different began to happen. Those tears of pain and
suffering, suddenly turn into tears of joy, an unusual peace overcame me! Somehow something had
happened, something had changed about me and my current situation. No longer was there any gloom.
There was a new light in my life, that light was the LORD JESUS CHRIST. I’d suddenly become what the
Bible calls ‘a new creation.’
“And miracles shall follow.”
You may be thinking to yourself, because of this chapter’s title, that I’m going to say that I was suddenly
released from jail. Well your wrong. Sometimes GOD chooses to work in such manor, but this wasn’t one
of them. You see, when GOD desires to move in the natural world to change things and people, HE does it
to bring glory unto HIMSELF. Now sure, to of been released from jail at this time would of done this, but
HE had greater plans for me.
I was conceived, after seven years of prayer by my mother. She’d wanted to give my father a son, but
had been blessed with a daughter on her first pregnancy. For the next seven years she prayed to be blessed
with a son, to carry on the family name. Little did she know the events that she was playing part in, little
could anyone even imagine what was in store for the future.
But I’m getting a little behind myself here, so let’s go back to jail!
So, three days into my incarceration and my life is suddenly turned around. Ok. If you’ve ever been in
jail, or anything where you really didn’t want to be there, you know the feelings of terrible pressure that is
heaped upon your shoulders. Question upon question, with no answers in sight. The weight of these can
become unbearable. So much so, that some commit suicide within a short time of being locked up. The
very cell I was blessed with residing in had recently been home to two. Anyway. This heaviness had been
lifted from my shoulders and all I could think of was how thankful I was for this turn of events. Even all
those that had lead up to my being in jail. To the losing of everything I’d ever considered important within
my life. Wife, new born son, stepdaughter and stepson, not to mention years worth of possessions that I
held dear.
The very next day I was taken for arraignment. When the judge read the charges my heart seemed to leap
for joy. I was disturbed by this. I was looking at 25 years on the bank robbery charge and another 10 on
the weapons charge. I was due to turn 40 years old in several month and I’d be lucky to get out by the time
I was 75! What is going on here? Why am I happy about this? Then I began to think about all that I’d read
in the last several days. GOD was doing this to preform a work upon me, to turn me into that man that
HE’d planned for me to be since before time began. I couldn’t believe myself. Here I am, facing prison time
until I’m an old man and I’m smiling about it. I sure was. I was happier than I’d ever been in my whole life.
None of the old highs, acid trips, drunken binges even the best sex I’d ever had couldn’t compare. I was in
limbo as to why, but believe me, I was enjoying it to the fullest!
I began to read more of the Bible, starting with the New Testament book of John. Slowly I began to see
what had taken place within my life and greater yet, within me. That person that I’d been for years prior
had disappeared and been replaced by one that GOD had remodeled. Turning me into someone that actual
had meaning to taking up space in this world. I’d truly been a worthless man. One that thought only about
himself. Even though I had a family, that I said I cared about, they truly weren’t important. I was the only
one important to myself and damn anyone that tried to prove different or get in the way of my life. I used
people to the max and most of the time they didn’t even know it. I was a master manipulator, I would sit
around, quietly watching people and formulate just how I could use them to fit my purpose. Most, just
thought I was to stoned to give a damn. Boy, were they wrong!
Three days later, I’m assigned an public defender. Right off the bat people are telling me all the horror
stories about how they just earn their money from the court system by being there. Not representing their
client for the best, but doing the dirty work for the courts. This one mustn’t of heard about this, because
she represented me perfectly. The first day I met her, Nancy G., she was straight forward, not withholding
any information. I like that in a person, no bull, just straight to the point (plus she was good looking and
had a way of making you feel at ease.) The next day I’m called down to see her and she hits me with this
‘I’ve got good news and better news. How do you want me to give them to you?’ I told her it really didn’t
matter, because however she gave it to me, GOD was the author of it and I’d be thrilled with it. She smiled
at that and then gave me the good part. The prosecutor had offered me a plea bargain of 10 years. He’d
drop the bank robbery charge, if I’d plead guilty to the weapons charge (I’d altered the two shotguns they
had.) I asked Nancy which was this,’the good or the better news?’ She said the good. I replied, ‘Ok, then
what is the better news?’ She kind of beamed the answer to this question back at me. The prosecutor has
originally called and made an offer of 5 years, which was under the old guidelines and being she’d not been
able to contact me with this offer, the 5 year plea bargain had to presented to me first. If I’d of turned this
down, only then would the other one be presented. Nancy asked me with a smile on her face, if I wanted to
turn down the five years and take the ten? I smiled back, said “Praise the LORD, I’d have to be nuts to do
that, now wouldn’t I!”
When I when back to the pod I was floating. I don’t think my feet ever touched the floor. Guards and
inmates alike just looked at me like I was nuts. I could hear them thinking to themselves. ‘How can anyone
be that happy in jail?’ Let me tell you, the joy was only beginning . There was way more to come. I began
to look forward to each an every moment that took place within my life. No longer were events just
happenings, they all seemed to take on monumental proportions. Nothing seemed to happen that I couldn’t
see a purpose for in GOD’s plan for me. Everyday became a welcomed event. I looked forward to it, not
as if I was going to spend the rest of my life behind bars, but as if the very next moment it could all be over
with. At this time I wasn’t mature enough in my Christian walk to even think about the LORD’s return, but
I knew that whatever awaited me around the next corner was part of GOD’s plan for me and I welcomed it
like an old friend, with open arms.
After several days I began to grow weary of reading so much. I’d been spending just about every waking
hour in reading the Bible and rereading “Prison To Praise.” Having never been in jail for any length of time,
I started looking around to see what everyone else did to pass the time. Some played cards, others just sat
an watched TV, others drew, some just slept it away. I decided to begin to working out some. I’d only
done this in the years that I was racing motocross, but had always been in fair shape, due mostly to hard
work. It had been some time since I’d really worked hard, so I didn’t want to strain anything. So I started
out slow. One morning while doing some minor pushups, leaning against a desk. My ’bunkie’ made a rude
remark. I fired back with an ‘F*** you.’ It was on. He sucker punched me and we proceeded to go at it.
After several minutes of this I did an eye rake and put him in a full nelson. He decided he’d had enough or
so I thought. When I released him he turned and started throwing punches, just pulling them before they hit
me (playing boxer.) I just stood there and stared him down, not blinking an eye. Then I took my gaze off
his eyes and he nailed me again. This time busting my lip wide open. I went off, grabbing him by the throat
and slamming him against the wall. Then I put him in a bear hug and began to squeeze the life out of him.
After several minutes of this I spun around, grabbed him by the neck and rammed his head into the cell
door. Little had we noticed that a crowd gathered outside the door. Seeing this I stepped back and waved
them away from the door. Headed full blast at the door this time, kicking it open just before he hit it, and
rammed him headfirst into the cement pillar outside our cell. This put an end to the fight.
Suddenly there’s a call over the load speaker. ‘Mail call’ I stepped back into the cell and checked out my
lip in the mirror. It was split wide open, all I could see was white fatty matter and blood. I cleaned up a
little and went to the vestibule for any mail I might have. The guards didn’t seem to notice anything that
had just gone on, even though I know better (there was a giant reflective window at the end of the pod,
which the guards sat behind, plus cameras.) After they’d passed out all the mail, I spoke up and told the
guard that ‘I thought I needed to see a doctor.’ With this, he looked at me, noticing my lip he said ‘I think
so, everyone step back and you wait right there.’ When the vestibule reopened, I was escorted in and they
began to ask questions as to how this happened. I told them that I’d slipped in my shower shoes coming
for mail call. They took me to the medic on staff and she decided that a trip to the hospital was needed.
Fourteen stitches later I was returned to my cell, which was clean and vacant. I asked where my bunkie
was and everyone said hiding from me. I laughed and told them to tell him it was cool and he could come
back to the cell. When he showed up, he was really nervous, not knowing what to expect. I put him at ease
quickly, by apologizing for my quick words and asked if he could forgive me. He didn’t know what to
think, but quickly said yes. In all rights, there could of been several charges add to our sentences,
something neither of us needed. In the next week or so before he was sentenced and shipped out, he began
reading “Prison To Praise” and the Bible himself. I’ve never seen him since, so I couldn’t tell you the
outcome.
One day soon, I got a long awaited call from the guards. “Get dressed out, you’ve got a visit.” Alright,
I’ve not even received a letter from my wife yet (it’s been about a month or so.) After waiting for several
minutes the vestibule opened and I stepped in. The door closed behind me and after seconds the other
opened. There stood a guard, who escorted me to the place for me to wait, he had another inmate to go
get. Here I am standing by myself, uncuffed waiting for the guard to return. When here he comes with my
partner in crime, Tim. Only one big difference though, he’s cuffed and shackled. They put both us on the
elevator together with just the one guard and he was an older man. Tim hid behind the guard keeping a
close watch on my every move. He was scared to death that I was going to get even for his screwing my
life up. I looked over at him and with a smile told him ‘that I forgave him for what he’d talked me into and
that I was just as responsible as he was for the events that took place.’ He became at ease at this
statement. Both our visits went good, his was his girlfriend Tina and mine was my wife. When they were
over the guards put us both back onto the elevator alone and this time Tim was just cuffed. He made the
statement to me that he’d carry all the burden for the crime and not to worry. To this I told him that there
wasn’t any need to do that. I was going to tell the truth as to my part in it and that GOD was going to
work things out for the best, to HIS glory and not mine! Tim didn’t say a thing after this, I don’t think he
knew what to say.
Several weeks later I was transferred to up to St. Claire County jail in Oceola, Missouri. This place was
the Hilton compared to Greene County. The food was awesome and I was looking forward to it, I’d lost
15 lbs in Springfield. The guards treated us like people, not numbers or freaks to be abused. I’d get up
early in the morning and watch several religious shows, then a hunting or fishing show or two and there
were numerous times that the guards would come in and visit with me. Just sit down and shoot the bull for
awhile. Several times they’d bring me fresh coffee and cigarettes in for me. A couple of times other inmates
would question this behavior of mine. I told them straight out. ‘I’m a Christian and I don’t look upon those
guards or them any different, they’re all GOD’s creations and I’ll respect them all. Others in the pod began
to respect me for this stand and would grace my plate with extra food when they didn’t want it. In a
months time I began to put the weight back on and needed to start working out in earnest again.(to keep
from having the overlapping belly.)
In the next month I began my first reading of the full Bible. This was going to be a chore, all those
genealogies and the thees and thous were making reading hard. I prayed for another Bible or someone that
could help me understand this one better. Well I got both. The LORD answered me by having another
inmate come forward with his N.I.V., he even let me borrow it for a day to see how I’d like it. It was
great! So I began looking for one by asking the guards if they knew where I could find one. Several days
later the one that had shown me his was getting shipped out so he gave me his, along with it he also had
several other books he’d gotten from a little lady minister that would stop in once in awhile. She’d bring in
all sorts of books and magazines and every once in awhile be allowed to talk with several of us and have
church.
On April 18, 1995 the bombing took place in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. This was my step daughter’s
birthday and it outraged me that so many innocent children were killed. I called Nancy G., my lawyer and
told her that I really needed to talk with her. The LORD had impressed it upon my heart to try and do
something to help bust the people responsible for the crime. I was known by all my old friends as a bit of a
survivalist and with my gun smithing experience could work my way into such group’s confidence.
Nothing ever came of this to the best of my knowledge, but it did show GOD my willingness to follow HIS
leading.
My walk with the LORD seemed to get deeper, my prayers fuller and far reaching. There seemed to be a
new intensity to our relationship. Bible reading began to last longer and was more beneficial. It wasn’t long
and my first complete reading was through and I was started upon another one. This one deeper and with
more research and study taking place. A fuller joy began to envelope me, even though I’d only had one
visit in the two months I’d been there, but I was happy and content! I had a relationship with the LORD
and nothing else really mattered. If I were to receive the full sentence of 35 years, I’d rejoice in it. For that
would of been time I’d spend with the LORD. At this time within my incarceration, that’s all I had, time.
For there was but simple chores to do during the day and the rest of the time was filled with whatever you
desired. I spent most of my time in reading GOD’s WORD and other books related to the Christian life.
Sure there were times when I would play a game of chess or checkers, watch a little TV, exercise or once
in a great while just sit and listen to life in the jail. Life had now taken on a new meaning, it was fuller,
more vibrant. I got pleasure out of doing even the smallest, most menial of task. It was awesome!
I now began to receive some mail from my wife. I thought it would bring joy to my life, but it was full of
their suffering due to my incarceration. How the children were being picked on in school because of ‘their
daddy being in jail.’ How they were thrown out of the house, because they didn’t have any money coming
in. The list could go on forever, because all my wife seemed to reflect on was the negative aspects of
things. I’d written her numerous letter about my new life and outlook on it, but she considered it a copout.
Just a way of trying to get out of the situation. She had Jeff, Tim’s brother, there around her talking down
about prison reformed people. He’d spent most of his adult life behind bars and had seen many that leave
only to return for the same crime. This all after confessing faith in CHRIST. Receiving letters from home
began to disinterest me. I’d write them, especially the children, telling them about the LORD and how
HE’d changed my life. But as for wanting to receive mail from Nancy, I could do without. I still loved her
and wanted her to come to know the LORD like I did, but as for the life she was living, I wanted nothing
to do with it.
The old lifestyle of mine was nothing but living one high to another. Working to get money to get high,
while saying it was for the families needs. I remember times when we did without needed items just so we
could buy another bag of pot. Sometimes hours were spent tracking down a bag, when there were better
ways to spend the time. Pot, alcohol and prescription drugs were the rules of the day. I’ll go into these
more in another chapter though, so back to Oceola jail.
Well the day for sentencing had finally arrived. Was I worried? No, because I knew what I had coming. I
just wondered where I’d be doing my time. With family there in Springfield, I wanted to be near enough to
see them once in awhile. Since my lockup, I’d only seen my wife five times and the children twice. That’s
not much family time for a six month period. I’d been praying to be sent to the prison in Springfield. I’d
even asked my lawyer to put a request in for me, but she’d said that the judge has no control over that
matter, it was up to the Bureau of Prisons. As I saw it, the only answer was prayer. GOD could and would
have me placed where HE wanted me and I’d be happy there!
This would be a strange day and a wonderful one. It started early, real early, I was loaded into the
transport van at 6 AM. I thought this was kind of early considering my court time was 9 AM. I found out
we had to go to another jail and pick up another inmate for sentencing that day. There had been a lot of
rain lately and the area was just starting to recover from massive flooding. The guards had said they could
fish from the backside of the jail. I thought they’d were joking, but when we pulled out of the parking lot I
could see where the water had been, about 6 feet from the jail’s back wall. We drove along a lot of back
country roads and there was nothing but flooded fields and water everywhere. I spent a lot of time praying
for those effected by the waters. After over an hours drive, along some of the most out of the way roads,
we got to Carthage, Missouri, where we picked up one inmate. A lot of driving for just one man I thought.
Come to find out Wyatt W. was a Oceola native, he’d been charged with attempting to blow up the jail and
courthouse. The jailers and he knew each other quite well and talked a lot about all the local happening.
They even joked about ‘his attempt to take away their jobs.’
When we finally arrived at the courthouse it didn’t take long for them to get us into court. I went up in
front of the judge, my plea bargain was read and the judge sentenced me to do my time there in Springfield.
Praise the LORD, my prayers were answered! My wife and youngest son were there and he started
screaming for “his daddy” during the sentencing, so he had to be removed from the courtroom. When the
judge decided that I was going to have only a three year probationary period the prosecutor was outraged.
He wanted me to have 18 years of paper to walk down and began arguing with the judge. The judge knew
he was mad over his mistake made in the plea agreement and was trying to recover by nailing me with the
most he could. He kept on until the judge had to threaten him with a contempt of court charge and his own
jail time, if he wouldn’t sit down and shut up! After this the judge asked if I had anything to say. I thanked
him for his sentence and stated that I was sorry for that which I’d done. Within minutes I was put in a
holding cell, to await transport back to Oceola.
satan’s paths
The guards came and had us dress out, Wyatt W. was going back to Oceola also and we were escorted
back to the van. Thinking we’d be headed out quickly, we were mistaken. We were to await several more
prisoners headed out to Oceola. There were three of them, two of which I’d never seen before, but one
that I was quite familiar with, Tim M. my partner in crime. We talked for a good while on the trip back. He
seem very at ease this time. I found out though that it was because he was heavily sedated. He was trying
to get a shorter sentence by reason of insanity. He’d already been to 14 different institutions in the federal
system. He was getting what they call ‘diesel therapy’, it has a tendency to break prisoners down, causing
them to stop certain actions. It’s used with prisoners that are violent or trying to get an insanity plea.
Within a short while we were back to Oceola and I was sent right back to my cell, the other’s had to wait
in holding to be checked in. One of the new guys was brought into our pod and Tim and the other were put
in another one just around the corner. The jail was small enough that you could talk back and forth
between pods, so Tim and I talked on and off while we both were there.
The next day I received a letter from my wife, but it started out kind of strange. “Hey babe, I love you
and miss you. But we can never be together because I’m married to Marshall.” What the h*** I thought. I
flipped over the envelope and found out it was written to Tim. My curiosity got to me, so I read the whole
thing. It appeared that my wife and partner in crime, had been having an affair behind my back. I could
remember several times they’d been alone together and now it all began to make sense. Instead of getting
mad though, I prayed on this one hard. I put the letter back in the envelope and yelled to the guard, that I’d
been given Tim’s mail, not mine. It ended up that Tim had a letter that was for me, unopened, but he didn’t
even mention it until the guard brought him the one I read! In my letter there seemed to be the same old
stuff, but now it had a new light shining into it. One that was revealing a hidden truth behind the lies
written within. After a good amount of prayer and soul searching, I forgave both of them in my heart. Tim,
I could forgive verbally, which I did and he didn’t even try to deny that it had happened. Now Nancy
would be a different story.
About two days later I had a surprise, Nancy shows up for a visit. Not with any of our children, but with
Tim’s girlfriend Tina. We were allowed a half hour visit thru glass and it was only slightly monitored.
Nancy kept flashing me tit shots. After several of these I asked about her and Tim’s relationship. She flat
out denied it. Even after I told her about Tim’s not. At this point I just dropped it and asked about how the
kids were and what was going on in their lives. It seemed that the kids were having a rough go of it, due to
the fact that Nancy kept moving around, she’d been to every mission in Springfield and managed to get
kicked out of them all. Later I found out why. She was having several affairs and wasn’t obeying any of the
mission rules. My wife was truly beginning to show her real character. When we’d met, she’d been living
with another man until just days prior to hooking up with me. I’d thought our relationship had been better
than that and that what she said was always the truth. Especially considering how much she voiced her
opinion about hating liars. The truth about our past was really beginning to come out into the light and
instead of being upset about it, I was more forgiving then I ever thought possible. Praise the LORD, I
could really start to see changes that were taking place in my life and I was loving it.
One of these changes was that of my temper. No longer would I allow things to build up inside me until
I’d explode in a violent rage, busting up whatever was in the way. I’d put my fist, head, elbows, knees and
feet through many a wall, door and even windows. There hadn’t been many objects that I’d not hit in our
houses, even the cars and trucks had dents from me. Now though there was the inner peace that goes along
with having JESUS in your life. Instead of worry, joy had replaced it. Aggression had been replaced by a
quiet calm. It was hard to see these changes taking place, because they happened slowly, one day I’d just
notice them.
For many years I’d had an unsatisfiable lust life. There was always a big pile of porn magazines around
and the pages were well worn. I’d watch TV and imagine doing the dirty deed with every woman there.
Now though there was something different. I could look at them and just see them in a different light. One
that revealed that they were children of GOD and should be respected as such. Man, was this me, the one
that used to hit on every woman that crossed his path? I’d had a theory for years, if I could but kiss a
woman once, I could have her in bed before the night was over. Not that I’m any great looker, but I had
learned early how to treat a woman, how to seduce them and make them think it was all their doing. That
manipulator in me at work. I’d been engaged around a dozen times, until they found out about the crazy
man that dwelt inside me. Then they’d run for the hills. I’ve taken part in several abortions and have
numerous illegitimate children running around. Several of whom their fathers didn’t know I was the donor
and not themselves. I was proud about how I’d nailed some of my best friends wives and girlfriends, at
times even bragging about it to them years later. I really didn’t know how the LORD had done this and
truly didn’t care, because that part of my life was far behind me.
I was beginning to see what type of man I’d been for years. It really mad me sick! How could I of been
such a worthless piece of flesh? From what I’d been reading in the Bible, I began to realize who had been
controlling my life. Even though GOD had a plan for me, I’d allowed satan to do the driving. He placed
ideas in my head and I followed like a lost puppy. Nothing had been below me. If there had been anything
beneath the whale dung at the bottom of the ocean, it was me. I had no respect for anyone, not even
myself. Some of this had to do with my heavy drug use, but a lot of it had to do with a low self esteem.
Even though I was very prideful and arrogant in manor, there had been this hollow shell of a person
walking around. I’d been searching for truth and meaning to life for years, through every form of
entertainment there was, but none seemed to fulfill that missing part of me.
In a later chapter I’ll give you a better understanding of what formed and shaped me into that wretched
man that I’d been for most of my life, but for now I’ll go on with the changes that GOD was having take
place within.
Into Egyptian Captivity
Finally that long awaited day arrived, I was being transferred to U.S.M.C.F.P.-Spfd. For those unfamiliar
with the federal prison system, that’s United States Medical Center for Federal Prisoners, Springfield,
Missouri. A maximum security prison right inside Springfield, Missouri’s city limits. They house over 1100
inmates, with 750 or so being in the work cadre (those that maintain the prison.) It’s been the home to
many notable inmates, a place where many of them spent their last days. This is one of the places the
terminally ill within the federal prison system are sent to spend their final days. Many with AIDS, diabetes,
cancer and chronic organ failure walk the halls of this institution awaiting the angel of death.
This was the place that less then a year earlier I’d been walking past carrying groceries and said ‘I’m glad
I’ll never be in a place like that.’ As I walked through the doors of R&D (Receiving and Discharge), this
fact hit me and I made a promise to myself, ‘never to say never’, because GOD can use just what you’d
hate to experience in life, to turn your attention toward HIM. This is what had happened to me. My
greatest fear, being under the total control of others, was being used to bring my attention to where GOD
wanted it. Focused upon HIM!
Dressed out into bright orange coveralls, the three of us, Dave F., Wyatt W., and myself were blessed to
be housed within the same unit, 8 building. This was one of the cadre units and at one time had been a
hospital ward. It was made up of numerous double rooms and 4 large dorms. Being newbies we kind of
stood out. It wasn’t long and we were approached by other inmates, but not for what most movies about
prison life depict. These were Christian brothers asking for our clothing sizes, so we could get out of the
orange coveralls. This way we wouldn’t stand out as newbies and be targeted by the schemers (those
looking to make their life easier, by getting whatever they could from you.) It felt real good getting out of
those coveralls, I now blended in with everyone else.
One of the first things I looked for was a Bible, mine had to be left in Oceola. There was no problem
finding one either. It was just what I wanted too, a ‘Free On The Inside’, N.I.V., just like the one I’d had.
(This very same Bible graces my desk as I type this, 10 years later.) Next inline was work, I had no money
to buy those things that would make life inside more endurable. Since I’d been locked up my wife had sent
me a big $20 (this out of an $1800 tax return). Asking around, I found out that the busiest work units were
the kitchen and welding shop. I liked to cook, but I liked building things more, so off to the welding shop
we went (Dave and Wyatt liked this idea too.) We got down to the machine/welding shop and asked about
work. Since Dave and Wyatt both had machine work experience they got accepted there, but I was still
looking. The machine shop boss referred me to the welding shop boss, because he needed a layout man and
I could read prints. Even though I’d only 10 hours of welding experience, I was hired. Praise the LORD,
two major items out of the way within hours of our arrival. It was back to the housing unit to rest until
chow time.
Being newbies we were all assigned to dorms, which wasn’t to bad, kind of noisy, but bearable. There
was a pretty good racial mix in the dorms and everyone seemed to get along well with that fact. Once I got
my area laid out I sat back and started reading my Bible. This seemed to interest a number of people. It
wasn’t long and several asked me why I was doing so. My answer was plain and straight forward, ‘I’d
given my life to CHRIST, I was a born again Christian and I wanted to know my LORD better and since
the Bible was HIS WORD to us, there was no better place to do so! Several accepted this and walked
away, others questioned why. There were those that wanted to argue matters (which I wouldn’t) and those
that wanted to know more, these were the one’s I talked with. At this point in my walk the LORD had
already impressed it upon my heart that there was a lot wrong within the church today and that this was
because of our constant arguing over things, our call to ministry isn’t such, it’s to bring others to know
CHRIST. So this is what I did! It wasn’t long and I was beginning to stand out as a Christian. Other
Christians began hanging around and we’d talk about what the LORD had done in our lives. Soon there
were groups forming that would sit around and ‘study.’ This really wasn’t study though, most of the time
they just wanted to argue about something they’d read or believed.
There had been a Christian presence there when I got there, but they mostly welcomed the newbie and
helped them get oriented to life at ‘club fed.’ This was greatly needed, but most of them disappeared after
the welcome. None of them seemed to stand out from the crowd, they just blended in. I was new to the
faith and wasn’t sure, but this wasn’t right. I started to carry my Bible with me everywhere. I started asking
people about their beliefs in GOD. I’d walk up to those that looked depressed and talk with them, not to
force my beliefs on them, but just to talk and see if I could make them feel better about life. Little did I
know then, but GOD was making me into a minister even then. I’d never been a ‘people person’ or one
with a compassionate heart, but this was changing. My character wasn’t the only thing changing either.
One day while giving my testimony to someone, I noticed that I was searching for words, proper words!
Not the wording that used to come from my mouth, because I had a trash mouth (10 word vocabulary,
none proper either), but words that expressed myself properly and didn’t bring shame to the LORD. Praise
the LORD, HE’d done it again!!
I’d been to the chapel several times, but only to get reading material (I hadn’t even been there a week
yet!), not for a service. I was leery about churches, I’d been to so many growing up and seen so much that
didn’t sit right with me, so I wasn’t ready to attend yet. But every Sunday morning for awhile, I’d sit and
read my Bible, spending a lot of time in special prayer. I was having church by myself, no singing or
fellowship, just the basic worship of GOD. I’d come away from these times highly refreshed, feeling if I’d
been remade again. I loved it.
Soon I was approached by a Christian brother, Mike S., who was the one that got me the change of
clothes the first day. He wanted me to join him some Sunday for church. I told him I wasn’t sure about it,
because of all the hypocritical ways within the churches that I’d seen growing up. He said that I might find
this church a little different. Sure there would be some who fit that bill, but most went there to fellowship
and worship GOD together. The next Sunday I went along with Mike and he was right. I enjoyed the
service and didn’t come away feeling separated from the GOD that I had come to know and love! This was
important to me and I wouldn’t of gone to church again if this hadn’t happened. There were two chaplains,
Chaplain Mike Reighardt and Chaplain Horn, both were Assembly of God ministers and preached very
good services. I came to know and love them both quite well. They would both play a major part within my
life in the months to come.
I’d been a structural carpenter for most of my life, building large building complexes, so I had a little
experience with welding. I went into the welding shop kind of blind to the fact that we did security work.
This wasn’t something that went over well with every inmate. We built those things that kept us all locked
up and under the control of the guards. This would prove to be a point of friction with some inmates, one
that GOD would grace me with wisdom to handle. Being that there had been a recent inspection of the
facility by the B.O.P. (Bureau of Prisons), due to the OKC bombing, there was a push on to upgrade
everything related to security around the institute. This meant plenty of work and sometimes overtime. This
really helped out, because being the new guy in the shop, I was a grade 5 which meant I earned $5 a
month. I already owed Mike S. over $20, due to his helping me with cigarettes and coffee. With no money
coming in from the outside, every cent I could earn came in handy. I was convicted (in heart) not to take
part in any of the business enterprise’ that a man could earn extra cash through. So I was bound to have a
hard go of it until I could break even or get some money in from the outside. Soon I was to receive the last
of the money I’d ever see from my wife. She sent in another $25, this gave her a grand total of $45 for my
entire incarceration. (What love!?) Soon I’d be blessed with more, because I’d managed to get in touch
with my parents and they sent me a little every now and then. So the LORD was providing for my needs in
many ways.
In a short while I began to practice welding, up until then I’d only got to lay out projects and do the
grunt work, grinding and pulling the welders around. I was blessed with being a quick learner and Brian H.,
the shop boss, was quick to notice. Soon I was welding and doing most of what was in the shop. Brian also
noticed that I didn’t hangout with all the guys in the shop, that I kind of stayed to myself. Soon I was able
to witness to him as to why and he respected me for it. Jim H., the machine shop boss felt the same way,
he’d noticed the difference since day one. Other shop bosses and guard began to notice also and I became
known as a Christian by many of them. Other’s didn’t trust me though, they’d seen to many that were one
day and the next be in the hole (solitary confinement). It wouldn’t be long and these too would come to
set me apart from the others. This is where I ran into my first dispute with other inmates. How could I talk
with the guards and not be a snitch? It wasn’t long before this became a confrontation, a short lived one
though. I told the inmates that cornered me on this, straight and truthfully, ‘ I saw no difference between
the guards and them, they were all GOD’s creations and I’d respect them no differently then I did them.’
Case closed and praise the LORD, because HIS wisdom had won over again!
Back in the unit life was improving, I began to study more and more. I started signing up for every Bible
study I could find. At one time I was doing seven different studies at once. It was then that I realized, I was
over doing it. I prayed on this matter and cut back on them. Suddenly I was down to three, this freed up
time to witness to others and there were plenty of people to talk with. We had a standing population of 160
to 250 inmates on the floor at any one time. There was also a high turnover rate, with inmates coming and
going. It wasn’t unusual to have 30 or more newbies on the floor in a month’s time. So there were always
people to help get oriented into prison life, help with essentials, pray for or witness to.
Time, the great killer in prison, wasn’t even there for me. I went from day to day as if there wasn’t
another day to worry about. There are those in prison that make their stay unbearable. They count away
the days, sometimes even the hours. Time seems to stand still for them! This wasn’t true for me, I was
always busy, I seldom ever looked at a clock. The only times that mattered were when I had to be
someplace like work or an appointment. The rest of the time was GOD’s and I flowed with HIS program.
Sometimes I’d be studying and would get the impression to go take a smoke break, so I would. Sure
enough, there was a reason for it. Someone would be there to witness to, pray for or greater still lead to
the LORD! I began to listen to an inner voice and didn’t know why. I’d come to find out later that it was
the LORD through the HOLY SPIRIT, leading me through life, placing me where HE needed me at the
time.
It was around this time, about seven months into my incarceration, that people began to ask me ‘Why’s
your hair getting so grey?’ I’d not even noticed it, but I was beginning to sport a head full of grey hair! I
wasn’t stressed, just the opposite, I was loving life like never before. So, why was this happening? I prayed
on the matter and it wasn’t long before I realized that the LORD had granted me great wisdom and those
grey hairs were my crown. People had a hard time accepting this answer, but that is where I left it. If they
wanted to think I was stressing out over my incarceration, more power to them. I knew the truth and that
was all that mattered. There were even those that asked if I planned on dyeing it when I got out. The
answer they got was a resounding ‘No, why would I change what GOD had done?’
Into the waters
There seemed to be something missing in my life, especially in my walk with the LORD! What it was I
couldn’t quite put a finger on. I’ve been studying and reading heavily. Going to church almost every week.
Witnessing and giving my testimony whenever possible. Even praying for everyone that needed it and
helping anyone I could. So what was it? What was I missing out on? I began praying on the matter, but not
coming up with the answer. What was wrong here? Had I done something to make the LORD mad? Had
HE forsaken me? I couldn’t see any difference in my life. I was still doing everything the same. I didn’t feel
or know of anything that could be wrong with my relationship with the LORD. So what was this longing
for?
Soon the answer came, I was in need of being baptized in water. I needed to make a public confession as
to my faith in the LORD and HIS works within my life. This came to me during a Sunday service, when
Chaplain Mike preached on our being ‘buried with CHRIST.’ After the service I stopped in an asked him
when he would hold the next baptism? He said it would be in a month or two. He only did them twice a
year due to B.O.P. policy. Needless to say I signed up and he gave me areas to study up on. Baptism isn’t
something to take lightly. Which to many Christians do. Let me explain! The act of baptism is simply an
immersion in water, a sign that the person has excepted JESUS as their LORD and SAVIOR. Simple
enough. But where the trouble begins is that in doing so, one announces to the world, both natural and
spiritual, that they’re a Christian. Now for some, this isn’t a problem, because they’re never be much of a
threat to satan, but there are those whom the LORD has called to great works and these are the one’s that
satan and all of hell will come against. The harder one faces tribulation, the greater the call upon their lives.
I began to study up on as much that I could find on these matters. Enlisting everyone I could to find out
more and more about spiritual conflicts. I was already on my fourth reading of the Bible, reading King
James version now, and there were plenty of books around to read. I’d already had to replace my copy of
“Prison To Praise” and had the second Carothers’ book, “Power in Praise.” I’d read numerous books by
Kenneth Copeland, Kenneth Hagin, Joyce Meyer, John Hagee , Benny Hinn and Morris Cerullo (to
mention a few.) Most of them mentioned that we were in a spiritual battle against the forces of darkness. A
battle where we couldn’t see the enemy or see their actions against us without being intune with the
spiritual world. LORD, what are you getting me into here?, I thought. I had enough on my plate as it was,
with everything that I was doing to serve the LORD. How could I take on even more?
It would be proven to me that I could do even more in the natural world, when I fought the battles in the
spiritual world first. In a short time it hit me hard. On May 19, 1996, I was baptized in water by Chaplain
Mike. One week later, on the 26 , I was called to see the chaplain just before th 8 P.M., right before evening
count. This was quite strange and I was about to find out why. I was escorted by guard to the lieutenant’s
office. Something was up, I’d never heard of this happening! Oh, was I right. Inside was Chaplain Horn
and she didn’t look to happy, kind of troubled, and two other officers. I couldn’t imagine what was up.
Then Chaplain Horn told me that my family had been in car accident earlier in the day and my step
daughter had been killed. “Praise the LORD” came out of my mouth! With this I heard three people gasp. I
turned around and explained to the officers why I’d said this. They were shocked by the fact that anyone
could thank the LORD for someone’s death. I told them I fully believed the GOD was in control of
everything that happened in the world, no matter how large of small and that if HE thought that it was her
time to go. Who was I to disagree? Chaplain Horn understood, but didn’t fully comprehend what all was
taking place at this time. satan was attacking me with everything he had. But what he’d thought was going
to be a soft target, was well fitted in the armor of GOD!!!
When I return to the floor everyone of my Christian brothers were there. They’d been told by the guard
that I’d be needing some help with what had happened. They didn’t know what it was, but they did know it
was something major. When I got back on floor the battle was in full swing. There were those that couldn’t
believe I was smiling after finding out this tragic news. Their minds were soon filled with more about
GOD’s grace then they could imagine. GOD had unlocked something within me that I fully didn’t
understand, but man I was moving with it. My bunkie by this time, Mike S., said I was on fire for the
LORD. He’d felt a presence within the room that evening that had never been there before. One of
overwhelming power, a love that just overflowed whomever came into the room. I wasn’t sure what had
happened, I just knew that GOD had just kicked things up a notch. My life had been different before then,
but would never be the same again. I was becoming a warrior for GOD and one with a large purpose ahead
of him!
The battle begins
When a person enters into a spiritual battle, depending on the call on their life, anything can and will
happen. With the death of my step daughter, I was about to find out how much of a calling I had upon my
life. It was no mystery to me that GOD had been working through out my life to a great degree. How much
so, I was about to begin finding out.
The next morning, before release for work, I was called to the floor officer’s office. Inside sat the
prison’s Captain, a man I’d never seen before. Now it’s B.O.P. policy, that an officer is never to be alone
with an inmate, but I was to find out this can be breached. He told the floor officer to leave the office and
shut the door behind him. He began to dispute this act, when the Captain cut him short, he left with not
another word. I was asked to have a seat, which kind of blew me away. The Captain told me that he’d
heard about my comments the night before and that I’d be facing some rough times ahead. An if anyone
gave me a hard time, either inmate or officer, just let him know and he’d handle it. Also that if there was
anything that I needed, within policy, he’d do his best to see it taken care of. I told him that I appreciated
his offer, but that my faith was in GOD and that I knew everything was going to work out for the best. He
then said that he’d known this would be my answer and that the events of last night and this morning had
helped turn his life back around, towards the direction he was supposed to be headed. He thanked me,
shook my hand and told me that GOD had surely blessed me. With that, I left the office and have never
seen him again, that was the one and only meeting between us.
I began to make plans for the funeral, but not like most people. I was saddened by these events, but
there was an over whelming peace about me. I knew I was going to the funeral, there was no doubt in my
mind. Over the next three days I spent more time walking the halls back and forth to the counselors and
chaplain’s offices than I did at work. One time I’d be going to the funeral, the next not. One thing was
sure, GOD had impressed it upon my heart that I was going, so it was settled for me. Even though I didn’t
have but $7.13 on my books and they said it would cost me $250 to go, I was still planning on seeing my
family at the funeral. Since my lockup over a year ago, I’d seen my son (David) once, April (step daughter)
twice and Steven (my step son) once( my wife, only 6 times). A fellow inmate’s parents had the $250 put
on my books, so I was told I could go. Then it was flagged as being from another inmate’s family, so I
couldn’t go. Then their minister sent it in, I could go again, then he was flagged also, I couldn’t go. This is
where GOD had really began to work, this minister happened to be the head of the Oklahoma State
Prison’s Chaplaincy. Somehow, some where, some strings got pulled and the right people found out about
my plight. At 2:30 P.M. the day of the funeral, I was told to be ready to dress-out around 4 that evening. I
was going again, but I’d be ready for another attack at my faith. Right after the 4 P.M. count I was called
to floor office, count hadn’t even been cleared and I had an officer escort me to R&D. There a lieutenant
told me that he didn’t know how or who had signed the papers for me to go, but it wasn’t anyone in the
B.O.P.. (to this day, I still don’t know!) I was given a 3 piece suit, dress shoes, socks and a tie, then cuffed
and shackled, count still hadn’t been cleared and I was escorted to a van with chase car in pursuit. These
guys weren’t playing games either, they were heavily armed and clothed, not just light body armor. I was
being transported as an maximum security prisoner, there was even air support and two other vehicles
nearby (1 leading, other tailing.) I never saw these,but was told of them by a reliable source.)
I was in good spirits when I got there, partially because we got lost twice, but I knew GOD was in
control and I could relax and let HIM do HIS works. I began to find out more about what had been going
on in my family’s life when I got there. Dave R., an old friend from Arkansas (had been the driver of the
car and was dead also), had been sleeping with my wife. An she’d replaced him with another within days
(it’s only been 3 days since the accident). This one wasn’t totally new in her life, their relationship was the
reason they’d been kick out of the missions in Springfield. I’d been told from the beginning that the
shackles and cuffs wouldn’t come off, so I had to hug my wife with these on. It’s humiliating enough to
have three armed guards nearby, let alone be bound like a wild animal at a loved one’s funeral. JR.Z.,her
male friend sat to one side of her, holding her hand, while I sat to the other. During the funeral I found out
that the very same day that I’d been baptized, April had accepted the LORD as her personal Savior. I
wanted to praise the LORD with a shout, but said it quietly to myself. I was allowed to view April’s body,
but had to wait for everyone else to be seated and the guard checked around for contraband also. She
looked like an angel and I knew she was at peace with the LORD. After the funeral, I was allowed several
minutes with Nancy and found out that the boys didn’t come because they wanted to remember the way
she’d been. I also found out that it was a blessing anyone walked away from the wreck alive. The car had
flipped 4 or 5 times and was split in half from hitting a solid rock wall (I’d seen the car while they looked
for the church.)
Quickly they loaded me back into the van and off we went to Springfield, this time via another route,
back roads to the interstate and straight home from there. On the way back, they thought something was up
when two semis were blocking the road. A radio call went out to the chase car with us and as soon as a
way by was open, it was petal to the metal. I didn’t think that van had it in it, but the speedometer was
buried and it was still picking up speed, the motor just humming. In a short time we pulled into Springfield
and off to R&D I was hustled. I was quickly dressed out and released to a guard’s escort. I’d never seen
this guard before, and I’d seen most of them, he was almost 7' tall, slim, and bald. He didn’t say a word the
whole way to the elevator, but there was something about him different. I must of begun to show signs of
this ordeal, because as I step to the rear of the elevator, he looked at me with an angelic smile and said
‘don’t worry, she’s with the LORD now!’, as the door shut. At that moment I knew that he wasn’t of this
world, he was an angel sent to comfort me in my time of need. Just to make sure though, I asked around,
even with the lieutenant that had gone the night before, and according to him I’d been released to go back
to my unit by myself, no attending officer. Praise the LORD, for HE uplifted me during my time of need!
For the rest of this year I didn’t see my family, I managed to get a call every now and then, but no visits.
This truly didn’t surprise me at all, not with what was going on in Nancy’s life. They (JR, the boys and her)
had moved from Monett, where they had lived when the accident happened, back to Springfield. She was
living with JR (her new/old boyfriend) and they were buying an old trailer. Then it was into another trailer
park, renting and still living with him. After the first of the year I receive a call to the counselor’s office,
she’d moved again and has left a new phone number for me to contact her. Suddenly she begins to visit,
bringing David with her. This is a real big surprise. Through conversation I pick up on the fact that she’s
now living with someone new, Jerry C.. They’re just good friends and he’s been helping her get her life
back together. I continue to love her and treat her with respect, even though I have a very good feeling I’m
being lied to. She knows where I stand on the matter of divorce and she hasn’t mentioned wanting one (I
believe we made a promise before GOD and it was to death, if she wanted a divorce, it would be her
doing.) I continued to envision my family as a whole again upon my release.
Since satan wasn’t able to defeat me in these battles, he began to try other areas. One day while headed
out to do a job, to put up a set of bargrills, our crew was verbally assaulted for doing security work. At the
time I was pulling the welder, by this time I had been blessed with grade 1 in the shop, so I was lead man. I
stopped pulling, turned and walked back to this group of inmates. The biggest one there was their mouth
piece, so I went right up to him. He took a defensive posture, but I just made a simple statement to him. I
said, ‘I don’t like being here anymore then you do. I have family here in town. How do you think I’d feel if
one of the nut cases from 10 building (mental wards) escaped and raped and killed someone’s family in
town? Especially if this happened because of a job I’d done wrong?’ With this I turned and walked away.
There wasn’t another word from this group again. Matter of fact, several of them, even the mouth piece,
came up to me later and apologized. They’d never thought about it that way and even decided to do their
jobs better. I praised the LORD for granting me with the wisdom to overcome this problem. I even think
my boss Brian H. was very thankful also. He told me that he’d wondered if he was going to have to bust up
a fight, because I’d jumped into the middle of this group, but that he should of known better knowing me.
We had this kind of problem about every 3 or 4 months, when the shops would have mostly newbies
working in them. I even think some of the older inmates would put them up to it. Just to see their reactions
to my come backs! satan was defeated again! It didn’t surprise me though, because I knew where my
strength came from and I relied totally on the LORD day in and day out.
The officials at the Med. Center thought they’d found a weak point in security. There were manhole
covers scattered around the prison that weren’t secured in any way. Sure there were bared partitions inside
all the piping, but someone might actually get down in one of these and hide. We had a new job ahead of us
and one that wasn’t to bad, because we got to work all around the place being outside the whole time. Not
outside the fences, but out in the sunlight and it was summertime. One day after we’d finished working, we
went and put up all the tools used that day. In the process of doing so I dropped a handful of small tools.
One of the drill bits came up missing and the fun was on. We did several searches ourselves (inmates) and
then the bosses did some. All with no luck. Now I was praying the whole time and still nothing showed up.
Next they called a lock down and everyone but our shops went back to their units. They strip searched us
three times each down in the shop. While they were doing this they searched our sleeping areas in all our
units. Still no drill bit. They searched us one more time in the shop, then released us and did another search
at the ‘T’ ( junction of shop hallways and 4 building), then we were escorted to our units until 4 PM count.
The rest of the night was uneventful as far as this matter, except for the fact that I spent most of the night
praying. When I awoke in the morning, I knew exactly where the bit was at. I’d seen it in a vision, as if I
had watched it roll under the self. When I got to the shop, I went right to Brian and asked for a flashlight
and if he’d unlock the tool crib. He asked why, but I told him he’d see soon enough. I stepped into the tool
crib, knelt down and shined the flashlight under the self to my left. Sure enough there was the bit, about 6
inches under the self. It took a little doing to get to it, but within minutes we had it and the pressure was off
everyone in the shops. Brian asked how I knew where it was and I told him. He just smiled and said let’s
get the tools together and go fix some more manhole covers.
After this series of jobs was done, it was time for another fun one. Building what we called ‘dog pens.’
We had to put chainlink fencing on the tops of numerous rec. areas over in 10 building. There had been an
old inmate killed recently by a mooch. This guy had asked for a cigarette and the old one gave him one,
then he asked for another and but the old guy refused. He was planning on smoking it himself, it was the
last one he had. The kid climbed the fence between them and beat the guy to death before the guards could
get to them. One day while building one of these ‘dog pens’, we found ourselves in need of a 20 ft. ladder.
There was one over in the powerhouse but an inmate had to be escorted to get it. I went with a newer
guard, because our bosses couldn’t leave the area. On the way there the guard was chatting away about all
kinds of things and mentioned that he had to go outside for a while, to get something. We went to get the
ladder and headed back towards the 10 building yard. About halfway there the guard stopped and cussed
that he’d forgotten to go get these things. I told him that he couldn’t do it now because we had the ladder
with us. He said that didn’t matter, he’d just take me and the ladder with him. I laughed and disagreed. He
was surprised and asked ‘why not?’ I told him that I worked for the B.O.P.. To which he replied,’so do I.’
‘Your just a contractor right?’ Smiling a huge smile, I told him ‘No, I’m an inmate!’ He freaked over this
and I couldn’t blame him, he’d of lost his job and I’d of been shot. We laughed about it on the way back
and he asked me not to tell anyone. Brian H. and Jim H., asked what had taken so long and I had to tell
them, I also asked that they not let it go any farther then the three of us. Which it didn’t (well, until now)!
There were three times total that I could of been shot for attempting to escape, not that I was doing so, but
the LORD was with me all three. Praise the LORD! HE does protect us!
Take this WORD
By now I was working on my seventh reading of the full Bible. I’d read several different version, NIV,
KJV, NKJV and NASV. My understanding about GOD was becoming clearer with each reading. One thing
troubled me though, that was the fact that I hadn’t been able to memorize very much. Due to all the years
of heavy drug usage, I’d pretty much burnt all my brain cells. I prayed much on this matter, but never did it
seem to help. I began to pray for the LORD to grace me with a memory for HIS WORD. What I received
wasn’t quite what I expected.
Clear as could be, the LORD revealed to me that I needn’t worry about remembering HIS WORD,
because I would witness, testify and preach by the power of the HOLY SPIRIT. I hadn’t even thought
about preaching and hadn’t received the anointing of the HOLY SPIRIT yet. I knew about the anointing
and gifts of the HOLY SPIRIT, had prayed about them, but as of this day hadn’t witnessed anything. This
was soon to change and not how I would of thought. One night I was sleeping, when I awoke straight out
of bed. I had this sense that there was someone in deep need of prayer. This had happened numerous times
before, so I didn’t think twice about beginning to pray, even though I didn’t know who or for what!
Normally I’d pray a general type of prayer. Maybe something like; ’Oh heavenly FATHER, YOU’ve
impressed it upon my heart that there is someone in great need at this time, I pray that YOU will provide
that which they need to overcome this problem within their life.’ In so doing my heart would be stilled over
the matter and usually I’d go back to sleep.
Well this night was different. I started to pray and suddenly became aware that I wasn’t praying in
English. The words made no sense at all, but there was something about it that was very peaceful, yet
powerful. I just kept praying this way for what seemed like a couple of minutes. I had awaken at 1:30 AM
and when I stopped it was nearly 7 AM. I’d been praying for 5 and ½ hours and it seemed like only a few
minutes had gone by. Also, there was an unusual feeling about me, kind of like I was vibrating, yet my
hands were rock steady. Suddenly I realized that I’d been praying in tongues, a manifestation of the HOLY
SPIRIT. Praise the LORD! I got up to walk to the bathroom and it felt as if I was floating a foot off the
ground. The joy was unbelievable. I didn’t even feel like my old self, something had drastically changed
within me.
There were several closets around the unit, where inmates would leave books for others to read and then
pass on. I went to one of these and found only two books. ‘Good Morning HOLY SPIRIT’ by Benny Hinn
and the other was ‘The Double Anointing.’ Being it was a Saturday, I decided to spend a lot of time
reading these two books. Needless to say, I found out exactly what had happened to me that morning. I’d
been baptized by the HOLY SPIRIT. To what extent, only time would tell and that would only be when
GOD knew it was time. I began to constantly pray in private in my new language. Never did I come away
feeling as if my prayers hadn’t been answered. There was always a knowledge that they’d been answered
and to a greater extent then I could imagine. Life seem to take on a totally new meaning and I was enjoying
every second of it. More then ever before!
Then came the day that the LORD began to reveal more of the calling that HE had upon my life, actually
it was over a period of several months. Many of these revelations were quite unusual and startling. The first
was that of HIS ministry through me and it’s name. Vine of CHRIST Ministries would be the name. For
nothing can be done through us, unless we abide in CHRIST (John 15.1-17). It would be a ministry of
helps with many branches. The initial purpose was to help the families of the incarcerated. Because these
are often left to fend for themselves. Unable to gain assistance from any of the church groups because of
non-affiliation. Plus they tend to fall through the ‘safety net’ of society, the welfare system and other helps
groups. Then there is the branch to cater to the inmates themselves, through Bible studies, book purchasing
and emergency assistance when needed. It is here where ‘the vine’ really begins to expand. There is a vast
number of branches that reach out to those around the globe, helping those in need and preaching the
gospel to the lost. There is so much to this ministry, that if the LORD hadn’t graced me with an enormous
faith, I’d be running and hiding from the call. There is so much involved that time and paper needed to
cover it here, would make this a multi volume book!
Next came my call to be a preacher of the gospel, but one unlike others. The first difference was to be
that whenever I stepped behind the pulpit, I’d be barefoot! That’s right, barefoot!! This being because I’d
not preach by my knowledge or intellect, but only under the power and guidance of the HOLY SPIRIT!
The ground I’d be upon would be holy and sanctified unto GOD. Talk about something setting one back,
this sure did. This took care of the problem of my memory, I’d not be the one preaching, the LORD would
be doing it through me. I was but the vessel that HE was going to use to bring forth HIS WORD unto men.
I’d never thought, there’s that word again (never), of ever being any type of public speaker, let alone a
preacher! But it was settled. Because if I had learned anything up until now, it was that when the LORD
called you to do something, you had better do it! Look at Jonah, he heard the LORD call him and decided
to go the other way. Look what it got him. Three days in the belly of a fish and vomited out on a beach,
only to follow the LORD after all. Sure there weren’t any big fish around to swallow me up, but the LORD
can find plenty of ways to get one’s attention if needed (that’s how I got here in the first place!)
With each day, more and more would be revealed to me. Some in words, others in dreams and visions.
Sometimes I wasn’t even aware of the things I was doing, like welding or grinding something, I’d be in
another place doing something for the LORD. Talk about things getting wild, my whole life had been
turned upside down and I was loving it. I never knew what to expect next. Like what happened several
nights while I was sleeping. When I made my bed, I’d always put my sheet first, then a cotton blanket and
then a wool one on top. OK, well for three mornings in a row, I woke up with this order completely
changed. The wool blanket was against my body and then either the cotton blanket or sheet were next and
they’d be tucked in neatly. The first time this happened, I asked Al B.(my current roomie) if he was
messing with my head. He had no idea what I was talking about, so I knew it wasn’t him. The next night
before bed, I showed Al exactly how it was made and asked him to make sure no one came in the room
during the night. He agreed, Al was a super light sleeper, a mouse could break wind and he’d hear it.
Well in the morning my bed was changed again, wool, cotton and sheet. Al was like I was, amazed, he’d
not heard a thing all night, no one had been in the room. I’d even made sure of this, I’d placed a ball of
paper against the door before bed and it was still there! The same thing happened the next night also. This
really had me wondering, so I began to ask the LORD for an answer about this. In time it came. As with
the prophets of old, so too would I bare the burdens of the people upon myself. Praying as one of them and
not as one separated from them. Look into the prayers of any of the prophets and you’ll see what I mean
about this. For even though they personally hadn’t sinned against GOD, they placed themselves as one of
the sinners when praying for the people. For even though we’re forgiven of our sin, by belief in JESUS and
HIS atoning death for us, we are but still sinners. This is a much argued about point within the Christian
faith, but if you truly research it, you’ll find out that until we join our LORD, we will still be imperfect
because we are ‘in the flesh’, this mortal body that is prone to sin. (Start a study from Romans 3.9 and
cross reference it well.)
It had begun to reveal why my life had been such a mess up until my arrest on the bank robbery. I’d lived
a very fast paced, varied lifestyle that there wasn’t much that I’d not experienced. I had indulged myself in
just about every type of entertainment and perversion one could imagine. This is the reason for my
preaching coming from ‘the chief of sinners.’ I was discovering more about why my life had been the way it
had been. The ups and downs that everyone experiences, from the least to the most extreme. All had been
allowed in order for me to be that man which GOD had called to this, HIS ministry through me.
You will notice that this ministry bares the name of CHRIST and not my name, as do many of the
ministries today. This ministry isn’t about me, even though a lot of it revolves around my life, it is about the
LORD JESUS CHRIST and those things which HE has done for mankind. I personally seek not the glory,
for truly I’m totally unworthy. There is but one that is worthy to be glorified and that is HE, JESUS!!
It is now that we will go and see the man I was before the LORD fully got my attention. We will go back
to a point many years prior!
In the beginning.
Long before my birth GOD was planning my life for me. You see I believe in predestination. GOD
doesn’t walk me through life holding my hand, making me preform those things HE wants me to. But HE
knew before time, exactly every choice I would make in my life and set about an order, a plan to bring my
life into harmony with HIS ultimate will for me.
Eight years before my birth, my parents had a daughter born to them. This was great, but they wanted a
son to carry on the family name. So my mother began a seven year vigil of prayer, praying for this son. A
month or two before my birth she had an accident, she slipped and fell on some ice. After going to the
hospital, she was given the bad news. Now remember, this is 1955 and medical technology wasn’t what it is
today. She was told that she had to have me aborted, I’d sustained injuries during the fall. I’d either be born
with serious problems, be still born or both of us would die!
At this my mother told them ‘that her son would be born, whether she lived or not.’ The doctors told her
that they had no idea whether I was male or female, but they did know that the fall had caused serious
problems with my development. They even tried to get my father to talk her out of having me and he knew
better than argue with her, especially about this. She was a very strong willed woman and had a very strong
faith in GOD. When her mind was set on that which she knew GOD wanted, it was settled, period!
When I was born, both of us survived, but I had severe complications. My heart hadn’t developed
properly and there were two holes (torn muscles) in the outside of my heart. At this time they could only
plan me for open heart surgery, when I was around six and set me up on a very strict diet and lifestyle. I
was placed on large quantities of medications and vitamins, and restricted from any form of exertion. This
wasn’t much of a life for a child, I spent most of my time resting or at the doctor’s.
Needless to say another prayer vigil began. This one placed me directly in GOD’s hands for healing, with
the promise, that I would be raised in the church for HIS service. My mother had already defeated satan by
not having me aborted and now she was placing my life directly into GOD’s hands. Boy did she make
someone mad! Over the next several years my condition began to improve physically, but satan wasn’t
going to let go of my life either. Somewhere before three years old I began to be molested by several of my
sister’s girlfriends. The family began to wonder why I was displaying advanced sexual activity. They’d find
me with a family friend’s daughter, the same age as me, with a lip lock on her (not your ordinary kiddie
kiss.) Also my hand would be in her diaper or I’d be fondling her. Not what you’d expect with a child of
this age, but they kind of blew it off, not knowing what could be causing this type of behavior.
My health continued to improve slowly. They were giving me massive doses of vitamins, they got iron
supplement by the quart, not to mention all the other ones. I was allowed very limited exercise, mostly
walking around, no running at all. I was fine with this because it was way more than I’d been allowed. My
life was full of mental stimulations though. I played all kinds of games, was read to and my parents
explained just about everything to me. At four years old I knew how to build a house, my dad was a
carpenter and was building our house. It was around this time that I came down with the german measles
and there was a mistake made in administering drugs. I was given a large quantity of penicillin to which I
had an allergic reaction to. Thanks be to GOD, they were able to bring me back and life went on.
satan wasn’t going to give up. My dad had built a breakfast bar between the kitchen and dinning room.
One day while sitting there waiting for breakfast, I took my fork and stuck it into an electric socket. How I
managed to get it in there is a mystery, but needless to say it sent me flying. It bounced me off the kitchen
wall, over ten feet away and halfway up the wall. I was a little shocked (pun intended!) needless to say, but
alright physically. No worse for the wear!
Then there was the time I took one of my dad’s artillery rounds, he collected rare ammunition, and set it
off. I’d noticed that this Japanese canon round fit perfectly into a column base and exposed the primer (I
knew how they worked). So I built a little brick and mortar wall with the base in it, in the newly finished
garage. Went back to the garage door opening, laying down on the floor with my ‘red rider’ bb gun, I
popped off a shot. Bull’s eye! The following explosion was awesome, it sent metal and brick flying
everywhere and me about 15 feet down the driveway on my belly. (this canon round was about 6 in. long
and 4 in diameter.) There was a hole in the end of the garage, that my dad ended up putting an old bathtub
in. Not to mention all the other ones around the walls. This was the first time I got the belt, it shouldn’t of
been, because I was always into things. I had a very active, experimental mind and I learned things real
quick. This got me in trouble all through my life.
At age five another attempt at my life was made. My sister, some friends and I were chasing after a wild
kitten in the woods behind a friend’s house. When I stepped on an old tire, there was a broken bottle inside
of it and my foot was sliced wide open. They carried me to my friend’s house where his mother wrapped it
in a bath-towel while my sister ran to get my mom at our house half a block away. Mom was quickly there
and they wrapped a new towel around it, because the first one was soaked with blood (I’d cut the major
arteries in my foot.) Off to the hospital we went. It was a 15 mile drive and by the time we got there I had
bleed dry! The doctors wanted to call it, because I was legally dead, but my mother forced them to work on
me. They stitched up all the blood vessels and muscles while pumping me full of blood, over and over.
They ran enough blood through me for three grown adults. Before making the final closure, they decided to
give me a shot of novocaine, with this I came up off the table. Here I am, maybe 50 lbs., around 3 foot tall
and I broke all four leather restraints, coming straight up off the table. Alive again! (I was told in later
years, that this had been the third time I’d been considered dead.) The wild thing about this whole
experience. I remembered every event that took placed. I saw it all from above the doorway. This is the
only ‘out of body’ experience I ever recall.) Years later I told my mother everything that had taken place
and she verified it all!)
It wasn’t long after my recovery, when I was caught in the basement shower stall with my hand inserted
in one of my sister’s friend’s vagina. They’d been helping my sister babysit and they’d take turns ‘playing
with me downstairs’ so the other two could do girl things upstairs. My mother happened to come home
from work early and came in through the basement door. Right there we were, both naked with her leaning
forward against the shower wall and me between her legs with my hand well inside her. My mother freaked,
needless to say. Told them both to leave and never come back or speak to any of us again. It wasn’t long
and we moved away from the neighborhood. We didn’t move far, because this was the area my father had
been raised in, so when I started middle school I’d end up going with a lot of my old friends. (But that’s a
ways off in the story.) Nothing was ever done about this, it was considered in those days as ‘simple
childhood curiosity.’ My questions about these events and everything that had led up to it were ignored.
This would bring about major problems in my life. Remember, I had a very active mind and I wanted
answers to my question, one way or another!
At this point in my life the doctors decided to put off the surgery until I was eight. My health had
improved greatly, but I still was limited on the activity level. It was in this new neighborhood that another
problem, old one(?), began to come into play. I’d always been given beer and sometimes hard liquor when
I’d have chest pains, headache or any type of ache at all. In this new ‘hood’ there were a lot of social
drinkers and my parents joined in. Since I spent so little time burning off energy, my sleep patterns weren’t
normal, so I’d stay up late all the time. This meant I’d be up and active during their parties. I was
constantly asked to run empty glasses up stairs to the kitchen ( with the move we up scaled our lifestyle, we
were now upper middle class.) Every chance I got I’d sneak a drink or two. Many nights I was found
passed out under a table or behind the couch. My parents didn’t put two and two together, or they just
overlooked it. Soon I was sneaking liquor out of my father’s liquor cabinet. When this started being
noticed, I’d replace the liquor with water. I always had a stash somewhere, where I could go get a quick
buzz.
As I said earlier, my mother had promised to GOD that I’d be raised in the church. Well she saw that I
went almost every weekend with my sister. My parents weren’t welcome in churches in those days. My
mother was three quarters Cherokee Indian and their marriage was considered as mixed racially. My sister
and I were welcome, but not them. At six years old, I’d already been to several different denominations of
churches. Methodist, Baptist and Lutheran, that I can recall. Something had happened at each one to drive
us away. One of the ministers had tried to preach drunk. Another had been caught committing adultery
with a parishioner’s wife and another had been caught with a teenaged girl. Needless to say, my early
church years saw a lot of hypocrisy within the church and very little of JESUS. This would help to form my
understanding of the church for years to come.
As the years went on the doctors continued to push back my surgery date, at eight it went to ten, at ten it
went to twelve. But at twelve, my life changed. The doctors decided to clear me from my restrictions,
allowing me to live a normal childhood. At this point all hell broke lose in my life. I became a wild child.
There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do, I went to the extremes in everything. I was never around the house if
I could manage it. I’d always be out in the woods, I loved nature and everything that went with it. I could
do things in the woods and no one would know it. I was always going off with one of the neighbor girls
and playing ‘games.’ Doctor was always a favorite. I had all kind of forts around the woods and it was no
problem hiding away in one of them, to get naked and play a little ‘stinky finger.’ Most of the boys around
liked to hang with me because I was brazen when it came to such matters. It was nothing for me to build a
dam in the creek, strip down with one of the girls and go swimming. I was found out numerous times and
was the one that parents warned their kids about playing with, especially the girls!
It wasn’t long before I was segregated from the girls, but this was fine with me. I had a bunch of the boys
that loved to get crazy. We’d take my stash out in the woods and party. Often we’d stolen the ‘oldman’s’
porno and would talk about all those things we would like to do to the women in them. I truly don’t think
many of them had ever touch a girl in their privates, they weren’t like me. Soon I began hanging around
with the older guys, those 14 and up. Because they knew more about girls and partying and had the hands
on experience.
At thirteen I had my first drug experience. I’d joined the Boy Scouts and had a lot of older friends and we
could get away from the parents anytime we wanted. You know the story, ‘hey mom, dad, we’re going out
camping to practice for this months campout.’ Or something like that. We always had a story and a backup
just in case. On one of these, some of the older guys decided it be cool to mess with me. We had gotten
together for a ‘patrol meeting’ and I was drunk as a skunk. To sobber up I was going to drink some coffee
and they tabbed (gave me LSD) me with three sugar cubes. I headed home after this cup and before I got
there, it was 72 hours later. The police had been looking for me and all. When asked what had happened, I
just told them that I’d gone for a walk in the woods and had gotten lost This satisfied their curiosity and I
was off into another area of destructive lifestyle. Soon, I was smoking pot, popping pills and consuming
alcohol in mass quantities. I could of been committed to a mental ward easily, I’d taken well over 10 acid
trips by the time I was 14, not to mention all the other abusive habits.
The Scout troop that I belonged to was run by a Catholic church, so we did have some moral teachings
involved through them. Not to mention the beliefs of the Boy Scouts themselves. But what went on in the
background wasn’t very moral at all. Most of us lived in families that were ‘well off’, upper middle class,
and we had everything we wanted. So just for the grins of it, we’d go out and get into whatever we could
for excitement. This was everything from shoplifting and petty theft to B&E’s and pyromania. In those days
we’d get busted and the cops would release us into the custody of our parents. There would be a spanking
and we’d be right back at it a day later. The juvenile system wasn’t set up like it is today, so all minor
refractions were handled this way.
I began to support my habits by shoplifting and dealing dope and liquor. Heck, I even had a good enough
stash of porn, I could sell it to the younger boys for a high price. I’d steal a $2 Playboy and sell it for $10. I
had all kinds of money. In the summertime I’d go to work with the ‘oldman’ in construction and pick up a
hundred or two over the weekend also. With the money and dope, plus hanging around with the older guys,
I was around a whole new group of girls. One’s that hadn’t been warned about me, so I was in heaven.
These girls had bodies that were changing and were into finding out about the changes and so was I! I’d
lost my ‘cherry’ at thirteen and was always looking for a good time with a new girl. I didn’t have a steady
girlfriend, I messed around with them all. Some far older then I was, like friend’s sisters home from college.
Heck I’d even messed around with a couple of their mothers. With as brazen as I’d been years earlier you’d
think that everyone knew about this. But I’d learned that to maintain this lifestyle for long, I’d have to keep
it secret. Girls didn’t like to be know as ‘sluts’ anymore then, then they do now. So I was always discrete
about it. I could go over a friend’s house, do his sister while ‘going to the bathroom’ and no one knew a
thing, but her and I. I was real good at thinking on my feet, so If we did get caught, I had a quick lie to
come back with. I can’t remember ever getting caught where I didn’t worm my way out of it and everyone
came out happy!
At fifteen and a half I got my drivers license, I already was able to go into numerous bars and liquor
stores and purchase booze. This just put me in higher demand. In those days there were bars where I could
go and sit and drink, not to mention buy it. So whenever someone was going to have a party, they’d give
me a call. I’d over charge them, plus charge them a fee. Then I’d sell that to someone else and make more
money. Not to mention my others sales business. I was living high on the hog, if you know what I mean.
Money, drugs, booze, women and my own set of wheels, I could go anywhere and do anything. To my
parents, I couldn’t do anything wrong. What they didn’t know, wasn’t hurting them at all. Sure they had
several reports of wildness now and then, but nothing I couldn’t talk my way out of.
With my 16 th birthday coming up, there was something I really wanted to do. In the Boy Scout program
there’s a scout ranch called Philmont.. Scouts of a certain age and rank can go there for almost a month.
It’s way out in the northeastern section of New Mexico, out in the middle of nowhere. Think of it, 24 days
away from almost any adults, party time! Between a friend and I, the only two from our troop to go, we
had several gallons of liquor, ounces of pot and a bunch of pills (acid and speed.) With not knowing anyone
else we didn’t plan on sharing much either. We did find two others that had the same idea and brought their
own stashes. From the time we left BWI airport in Baltimore we were working on a good buzz. Even
though we couldn’t get to our stashes, plenty of those little miniatures disappeared from the stewardess’
cart. I could talk to them, distract them with a copped feel and grab a couple real easy. Not to mention my
friends grabbing some while I talked with them. I even got several stewardess’ phone numbers in the
process.
On the way to Philmont something would happen in my life that would change it forever. We had a side
trip to the Air Force Academy in Colorado. We would have breakfast there and then attend chapel at what
I still consider the most beautiful church in America. During service, which was to be a communion service,
they asked if anyone wanted to accept CHRIST as their LORD and SAVIOR. I felt this sudden urge to do
so, my new friends laughed and joked about it, but I wanted to show them I was the ‘ballsey one and went
forward. Afterwards we loaded back onto the buses, everyone was laughing and joking around, but I sat
quietly. Something had changed back there. I didn’t know what, but something within me was different.
They’d given me a pocket New Testament, so on the hour or so ride to the ranch I began reading it.
Nothing in it made sense, it was a KJV for one and no one had ever explained the Christian life to me. Sure
I’d heard the name of JESUS CHRIST many times and I even knew some of HIS story, but no one had
explained what it meant to give one’s life to CHRIST, no one had told me about salvation. It wasn’t long
before we pulled up to the ranch, the Bible went into my pocket and it would be years before I would ever
open another one.
When we got back from the scout ranch, a friend had gotten a motorcycle. A little 100 cc street bike. I
got him high and he let me ride it. I was suddenly in love. There was a new freedom about it, Soon I was
talking to all the people I knew that had mini bikes or motorcycles to let me ride them. It wasn’t long
before I had my own. A SL 350 cc Honda, it was a street trail bike, that the owner had set up for flat
tracking. Special tires, wide handlebars, shorty pipes and some work done to the motor. It weighted 375
lbs and only had 27 horsepower, but I could manage to pull wheelies on it and it could go off road quite
well. Soon this big hog of a bike wasn’t what I needed, so I sold it and bought a Yamaha DT 250 moto X
bike. It’d been raced by a local shop and was tricked out and would smoke the other bikes around. Just
what I needed to keep my ego puffed up. I hadn’t noticed, but besides having a need for speed (fast cars,
cycles and girls), I had a very big need for personal recognition. My pride had control over me and anything
I could do to boost it, got done. Extreme became the norm for me. We’d ride the powerlines for miles
crossing over roads all the time. It wouldn’t be long and we’d have the cops chasing us. Up until now there
had never been anything to slow us down at the crossings, so we just shot out across the road, never
thinking twice. Thank GOD no one had ever gotten hit by a car!
The police and the neighbors decided they’d stop us, so they put cables and poles at the ends of these
crossing. This just made it more fun for some of us. We’d fly up to them, lock up the brakes, lay the bike
down and slide under them. Picking the bike up on the other side and going on. It just made the game more
interesting for some of us, others figured it was time to cool it. I needed a daily adrenaline rush, so it only
grew worse for me. Soon we had to find other areas to ride, all the cops knew us and our bikes, so several
of us got into sanctioned moto X racing. I’d never heard of it, so one weekend several of us rode our
bicycles 20 miles to a race track to check it out. We took a case of beer, in a backpack, and an ounce of
dope with us. It was what I’d been looking for. Speed, action and plenty of women(girls) running around.
Everyone got attention too. It didn’t matter whether you won, crashed and burned (wrecked badly) or just
raced, everyone was watching.
But before I could get out on the track, someone stole my bike during a party at my house. So, here I am,
in love with a new high and no way to get it. My parents ended up moving to Florida and I went with them
(they moved because I was causing to much trouble around for them.) I’d been in the Air Force for 21 days
and got out with an honorable discharge, under a drug clause, plus numerous charges by the police, but
none they could prove! Nothing changed in Florida. I’d taken a quarter pound of pot and a 100 hits of
blotter acid with me. I was smoking, tripping and drunken driving the whole way there and being there
nothing was going to change. Within days I had pot plants growing in the swamp and had made
connections for everything and anything I needed.
Around Easter ‘74' some friends from Maryland came down to visit, two old girlfriends and one of my
party buds. We sleep out in my parent’s travel trailer, got trashed and screwed constantly. My parents told
me something needed to change. So I rounded up a 1000 hits of THC (from a local lab robbery) packed up
my stuff and my friends and I headed home to Maryland. We stopped by Daytona Beach for a few days,
copped some more drugs and headed north. When we got there I lived in a friends house for a few days
and when I wore out my welcome there, moved into a tent in the woods. I ran out of money quickly, so I
was ‘hitting’ the local stores for whatever I needed and bumming what I couldn’t steal, from friends. It
wasn’t long before I found out my parents had moved back to Elkridge, where I’d been born. A quick
phone call and I was back in their graces. Remember I was a king of manipulation and they were the easiest
of them all. All I had to do was promise to stop partying and get a job. No problem!
It wasn’t long though and I was up to the ‘same old same old.’ Partying harder than before, this time with
a different group, most of them lived miles away in Halethorpe or Linthicum. I could put on the good boy
routine during the day, by working construction with the ‘old man’ and party all night long where no one
knew my parents. I got a nickname from the one person out of this group that lived nearby, #3, because I
lived in trailer #3. It stuck to, there were people’s parents that only knew me by it. I was even in a murder
investigation where the cops had me down as #3. I had a double lifestyle going and it worked out great. By
now it was carpenter by day, making over $18/hr, to ‘druggie’ by night. I had an area of operation that
covered over half the state. If I couldn’t find drugs in one area, they were just a phone call away. I was
pulling in around a grand a week, between my two ‘jobs’ and that was all profit. Because I sold enough
dope to pay for everything else, and my life wasn’t cheap. A bag of pot per day (ounce) and $20-$60 a
weeknight on booze.
It wasn’t long before I got another moto x bike and began racing on the weekends. Even with the
demands of this, I still managed to party, maybe even more so! Soon I had girls in several places, pregnant
and telling me it was mine. Some wanted abortions others had them on their own. Somewhere around this
country I have several illegitimate children (someday I’ll search them all up and ask their forgiveness.) I had
shacked up with multiple women, engaged to them, only to break up within a short time. I was too wild for
anyone to stay with for any length of time (they told me this.) Soon I had girls and women strung out all
over the several states, some even married. There were times that I had several girlfriends at once and
dating them all regularly! I was a whore if there ever was one.
Soon I began to notice that my lifestyle was drawing attention from the wrong people. The police had
started paying attention to my activities. I’ve read police reports describing my activities, but had managed
to keep my identity well hidden. A friend and I even walked into a large bust one day at a dealers house.
We were going to buy some dope and ran into another friend and his wife on the way. Ellicott City was
flooding due to a tropical storm and we helped them take several bags of their belongings to the dealers
house. As we walked up the hill, we noticed all the different cars around and a bunch of ‘heads’ we didn’t
recognize. We thought nothing about it and walked right in, not noticing that our friend and his wife were
stopped outside. Everyone was sitting around all quiet like and the strangers were the only one’s walking
around. We asked what was up? One of the ‘heads’ (long hair and beard) said they were having a meeting,
another said a party. The next thing we know, one of them flashes a badge and says ‘DEA this is a bust!
Let’s see some ID.!’ I showed them mine and it wasn’t long and they sent us packing, they had nothing on
us at all. We were relieved at this and went to another friend’s house to get our dope. It didn’t even faze
us.
This lifestyle continued for years, soon I began to get into weapons and a survivalist lifestyle. I had
weapons of every kind, either one’s I’d bought or made myself. Every once in awhile around this time, I’d
get sick of the lifestyle and would head out to the woods and disappear from society for a time, usually
about 9 months or so. I did this once in ‘84-85' after handling a bunch of stolen gold and then again in ‘88'
after getting into a direct connection to Columbian coke. It was after this one that I met Nancy in
Moorehead City, North Carolina and fell in love.
We lived there for a year together, then moved to Arizona for awhile. From here we moved to Harrison,
Arkansas. Where we got married. After three years here, we moved to Springfield, Missouri. The whole
time we were together it was sex, drugs and rock and roll, to borrow a phrase. Nothing much mattered to
either of us, except where the next high was coming from. Even the children took second place to that. She
was a expert at welching off the system, her mother had taught her well. Nancy and I were two peas in a
pod. We were experts at using others and had no moral values at all.
So this is what brought me to where this story started, there’s a lot left out and some that may not be
historically precise, but it is to the best of my recognition. But hey, this isn’t the end of the story. Let’s go
back to Club Fed and see what GOD has in store for me next!!!
But wait for the gift...
Life in prison had taken on a new meaning. GOD had started a new work in me and was shaping me into
a new creation. One that would serve HIS purpose for the kingdom of GOD on earth. I had an idea of what
the future held for me, but what that very day or hour held, I was in a fog as to. One minute I could be
welding or standing in line for chow and the next I’d be floating around under the power of the HOLY
SPIRIT. If you’ve never experienced this, it’s hard to understand. One moment you’re happy and joyful
and the next you can be in sorrow and agony, sometimes over things you don’t even know about. I’ve
prayed for people that I had no idea about, had never met or had any idea as to their problems. I’d see them
as clear as day, maybe even know their names and where they lived, but the rest about them I had no idea
about.
This is what it means to be in the SPIRIT. You are aware of those things around you, even though you
might not be thinking about them, but the HOLY SPIRIT is impressing upon your heart matters of a higher
level. Whether things of GOD or things of this world, they’re both of importance to GOD and HIS using
you to intervene or learn something. The best thing to do in this case is to sit back, relax and let GOD do
HIS works in you or through you. (Here is another case where you don’t want to be as Jonah was!)
I was beginning to see how much of a call upon my life GOD had. I would reflect back to all those times
HE’d done something to change or influence the ways of my life. I also began to see clearly all those times
that I’d turned my back on HIM. But I could see that even in these times, of sinning and disobedience, that
GOD’s hand was molding and shaping me into that which HE had ordained me to be. I learned deeply the
principle spoken of in Romans 8.28: ‘And we know that in all things GOD works for the good of those
who love HIM, who have been called according to HIS purpose.’ GOD’s hands had been very busy during
these times of sin, shaping me and preparing me to be able to minister unto all those that were living
lifestyles similar to mine. How could I preach to a drug addict, if I’d never tasted them? Or the alcoholic?
Or one bound by a life of sexual sins? I couldn’t ! I could see this plainly when ministry groups would
come in from the outside. They’d preach a good service, but it would be void of anything that pertained to
our lives in prison or those lives that we had lived. Only when those that had suffered through life under the
same conditions as we, were their sermons beneficial to others.
This is also stated in 2 Corinthians 1.4-6, where it speaks of GOD comforting us during our suffering,
that in turn we may comfort others suffering in like manor. It’s hard to see how GOD can allow someone
HE loves to suffer, but look at CHRIST and you’ll see this clearly. JESUS suffered in many ways for us.
HE carried our sins so we wouldn’t have to. In this the GOD/man, one who was without sin took upon
HIMSELF all the sins of the world. This would be like me drinking poison to keep my son from drinking it
Then HE was beaten and bloodied so that we wouldn’t have to bare the sickness related to our sins and
disobedience. You know as well as I do that for every action we take, there’s a resulting action or price we
pay for it. Like what got us into prison! We committed a crime and the result was that we have to pay a
price for it, incarceration. In both these cases, CHRIST took our suffering and sickness for us, HE paid the
price for them, in turn allowing us to be comforted by the knowledge of these facts. That is if we’d
accepted CHRIST as our personal LORD and SAVIOR! OK, enough theology for now, back to the story.
I was beginning to see that I had been graced with a gift of discernment. Being able to see that which
GOD was doing in and through events and people. Like being able to see whether a minister was preaching
through knowledge of his own or by that of the HOLY SPIRIT. I could see when a person was under
conviction by the words that they spoke or that they were just speaking empty words from their heart. This
began to allow me to know whether or not a man was graced by the presence of GOD or not and how and
what to pray for in each instance. My prayer life began to take on new meaning and richness. No longer
were my prayers just concerned with that which I saw personally, but they were empowered by the
knowledge of GOD to pray for their spiritual needs also. That part of their lives which no man could see,
but that which only GOD knew about. It was wild being able to pray for a person in the SPIRIT and then
have them ask how I knew about those things for which I’d prayed. We all have that inner part of our lives
which we keep protected from the eyes of others. We can successfully hide these from others, but we can’t
hide them from GOD. HE knows our hearts, our inner being, better then we do ourselves and HE can
relate this information to those that HE chooses. This was what was happening in my life, HE was showing
me that which was within a man’s heart, not just that which they had allowed to be seen.
In this gift also was the blessing to be able to tell what someone’s dream or vision was about. One day a
Christian brother had a dream and had ask another what it had been about. The answer he was given was
that it was for another person. He went and talked to this other person and the results basically destroyed
that persons day. On hearing this from the third person, I went back unto the brother who’d had the dream
and asked him what it had been about. Upon hearing it, the LORD revealed to me the true nature of the
dream and I told this to him. He didn’t want to believe that which I told him and went on through most of
the day believing the first interpretation. But later that day, what I’d revealed to him came about and he
saw the error of his ways and apologized to the other brother. In the mean time I’d gone to the other
‘interpreter’ and admonished him for not holding his tongue, when he wasn’t sure about something
spiritual. He asked me’ how I knew he’d been unsure of this dreams meaning, but had been pressured into
an answer.’ My answer was simple, ‘that I had relied upon the revelation of GOD through the power of the
HOLY SPIRIT to guide me, not on that which I’d thought was the answer.
I was beginning to spend more time in prayer for others than I’d ever. I would walk through the hallways
and know what was troubling a man’s heart and pray for them. I was spending more and more time upon
my knees (figuratively) than I was in other pursuits. Which you’d not get a complaint from me over.
Because I knew that my walk with the LORD was based on serving others and not myself. But there were
times when this would become overwhelming. I would hear the needs of so many, many of which were
very deeply concerned over their needs, that the weight became unbearable. This is were I began to learn
that I’d been trying to met these people’s needs through my prayers and not by allowing GOD to use me as
a conduit for HIS will in their lives. My prayer life changed again. This time becoming not my prayers, but
the prayers that the LORD willed for these people lives.
One instance I can remember. A Christian brother was going around speaking in tongues and claiming
miracles were happening ‘by his power.’ He asked me to join with him one day in a prayer of agreement for
the healing of a deaf brother’s ears. As we were headed up the hallway to were we would meet this one,
the LORD revealed to me that this brother’s infirmity was for HIS glory and that I wasn’t to join in
agreement, but I was to pray that the other brother would be convicted of his errors. He was seeing only
the sickness that the other brother had, not that GOD had been working through this other brother’s life to
bring change unto others. An he had forgotten to put this matter to prayer before wanting to’ heal’ this
man. When we got there, another error was revealed, this brother was wanting to glorify himself and not
GOD. Because he had assembled together several believers and non believers together to witness ’his
prayers and power.’ Nothing at all happened as a result of this brother’s prayers, he acted amazed at this
and began to accuse the other brother of having sin within his life and not being in agreement with him. His
words began to reflect his heart and they were all ‘I’, my and me’. Soon he left the area, humiliated over
what he saw as failure. But I had a smile on mine and was asked why. To this I told those around me, that
what they’d seen was a prideful man being humbled, not a failure of GOD’s power. They all began to speak
up about how this brother had been preaching to them about their wrongs and how he was so much
stronger spiritually then they were. This brother was soon moved to another prison, diesel therapy, and I
soon heard that he had changed his ways and became more dependant upon GOD, not GOD dependant
upon him!
I knew that what was going on within my life was all GOD’s doings and not mine. I would be the last one
to claim any glory for myself. Man, I was the most worthless of people GOD had put upon the face of the
earth and I knew that there was nothing that I could personally do to change that fact. This was the reason
I did very little, others could see done. I allowed GOD to give me the prayers and then HE preformed the
works. I wouldn’t even claim doing a good weld as my own doing, it was the LORD preforming it through
me alone!
More and more, GOD was revealing great errors within the church to me. But why? I asked. The answer
was plain. So that I wouldn’t repeat these errors myself, but would allow these errors to be brought into
the light through my actions. I was being placed in the position to fulfill that which was penned by Paul in 1
Corinthians 1.26-28, it is written;’ Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were
influential; not many were of noble birth. But GOD chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise;
GOD chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. HE chose the lowly things of this world and
the despised things- and the things that are not- to nullify the things that are,’. If there was anyone that
could say he fit this billing, it was me! Sure I had a high IQ, but had never put it to use for much more than
a paperweight. I’d never used wisdom in making any decision, my flesh always ruled. The only strong part
that had been exhibited in my life, had been my pride, doing my own thing to impress other’s. An yes, I had
been despised by almost everyone I’d known. Because in some way, shape or form I’d used them for
personal benefit!
So how could I prove how GOD wanted us to live? Or how HE wanted HIS WORD to be interpreted?
Or how the church was going astray? It was just that fact, which HE was going to use me, I couldn’t do
any of these, HE was going to do them through me! HE’d brought me to the understanding that I wasn’t
and never would be anything but a worthless piece of flesh, but that if I allowed HIM, HE would work
through me to bring about change in others. So, what was I to do, sit around and vegetate? No, I was to
listen to that which HE told me and taught me to do and then allow HIM to make an example of me to
others. From this point on I began to concentrate on my reading and prayer times. Sometimes putting in
more than 60 hours a week in reading and study alone. The craving for HIS WORD, continued to grow
and grow. I couldn’t get enough. It was as if I had this hole within me and no matter what I did to fill it, it
would go right through me. Never filling up. Never being satisfied! You would think one would get tired
of being on empty, but you’d be wrong. I had this unexplainable joy within. The hungrier I was for the
WORD, the happier I was. I was elated to be craving more and more of GOD and seemingly getting
nothing in return for time spent.
What was making me so happy with seemingly spending my time wastefully? It was the fact that I knew
this wasn’t so. Sure I couldn’t remember more than a couple of verses of scripture. An sure I wasn’t seeing
miracles preformed through me. I wasn’t noticing any change in my being able to find verses when needed
in witnessing or giving my testimony. But what I was seeing, was something greater than those put
together. I was seeing GOD in a closer personal relationship then ever before. I would get answers to
questions while they were still forming in my head. I could see GOD working in the lives of other’s before I
ever even prayed and knew just how and for what to pray for them. GOD was actually playing a part within
my daily life, more so than I was even doing. My life had been turned over to HIM to do that which HE
wanted. No longer was I living, but CHRIST was living through me! Praise the LORD !!!
One thing you learn when you follow JESUS, is that with each day, every single step you take there is
something new. It may be a awesome new revelation or but a minute trivial matter, but there is something
new. We will be learning this way until we join the LORD and only then will we be complete and perfected.
Many in the church believe that we’re made perfect at our new birth, this isn’t so. Yes GOD the FATHER
does see us as a new, perfected being, but this is only because HE sees us in the light of JESUS’ atoning
death. In actuality we are still the same sin stricken, worthy of death individuals. An even though there is
nothing we can do personally to change this fact, we must strive to walk as JESUS did. Christianity is full
of such paradoxes. To which we will only know the complete answer to when we have cast off this fleshly
body of our’s and have joined the LORD in glory. One may ask, ‘Why then try to live for CHRIST now,
why not wait until upon death’s door? The answer to this is simple. There is so much joy within a daily
walk with the LORD that it’s hard to put into words. I’ve compared it to taking all my highs throughout
life, whether pot, alcohol, acid or whatever and putting them together into one giant one. This would only
be pale in comparison to but one second in a walk with the LORD. So much greater than that is a life
where you walk side by side with HE that created all that there is. Why wait to enjoy such an awesome
experience when you can begin enjoying it today? It is simple to do and cost free. All one must do, is
confess that JESUS is GOD come in the flesh, that HE died for your sins upon the cross and that HE rose
again the third day so that you can have eternal life. Confess that you’re a sinner, having messed up your
life, ask HIM to forgive you and come into your life as your personal LORD and SAVIOR. That is it, all
there is to it. You must do this verbally, speaking the words out loud and mean it sincerely, with all of your
heart! But that is truly it! The rest is up to HIM, HE ‘ll begin to move within your life, to change you and
make you into that which HE wills for you to be. You’ll need to nurture this relationship, which is what it
is, like all others. You must give as well as receive. You must learn all you can about HIM and HIS desirers
for you and you must attempt to fulfill them in the best way possible. The Christian walk is far from that
which many call a cop-out, it is far harder to walk in this manor then it is to follow the rest of the world and
it depends on how well you can humble yourself and allow someone else to control your life. I must ask at
this time, are you ready for a life like nothing you’ve experienced before, one that will fulfill expectations to
overflowing? If so, JUST DO IT !!!
Forsaking all to follow
True strength in a Christian walk, comes down to how much you can set aside of your own life to live for
the LORD. In scripture we see where CHRIST told HIS disciples, that in order to follow HIM properly
one must be willing to forsake everything in their lives. Right down to the giving of their very own
existence. In times past there were many that went this far, they were those martyred for their belief in
CHRIST. Few in this day an age will ever have to face this kind of tribulation in order to stand up for our
SAVIOR’s name. But are you willing? That is the question you must ask yourself. Would I be willing to
give my life to stand up for my faith in JESUS? There are places around the globe where this is happening
today and there are those that make that faithful choice daily.
It is written in Revelations that this very choice will have to be made in the end times. When one will
have to decide whether or not to accept the mark of the beast or not. In order to go on living and existing
in that time, one would have to renounce GOD and accept the ways of the anti-christ. What would you
answer?
The last several paragraphs have looked a bit theological or religious. There’s a reason for that. It’s
leading and laying the ground work for the rest of my testimony.
After receiving the anointing of the HOLY SPIRIT, my life began to change drastically. No long was
there a longing to get things for myself, to have my own way or even to be part of this worldly system. It
was as if my life had totally ceased to exist. My energy and concentration centered around glorifying
JESUS in all that I was. How far would I go to show what had been done within my life? This point was
shown forth in many ways at different times.
With my having been hypoglycemic for most of my adult life, I had the need to eat 5-7 small meals a day.
Always having a sugary snack around for emergencies. Several weeks before Easter ‘97' I felt the LORD
leading me to fast. To do without food for a certain time period. I did a quick, but intense study on fasting
and found out what I could on the matter, both good and bad. I put it to prayer and waited for the answer.
Well it was just as I’d thought, the LORD wanted me to fast, not for one day or two, but for the whole
week leading up to Easter. This kind of worried me at first. Then I realized that if I was going to follow
CHRIST like I should, shouldn’t I be willing to lay my life down for HIM? Or to be a fact, anything else
that HE wanted me to do? It was decided. I would fast for seven days, eating nothing at all. Sure there are
fast where you only go without during the daylight hours or only certain foods. But that wasn’t what I was
being led to. I was being led to lay it all on the line for JESUS. I had faith enough in HIM to know that if it
was meant for me to die this way, that it would be that way. I knew deep down inside that this wouldn’t
bring HIM glory. So why would HE allow it to happen? I began to realize just how much I’d matured in
my Christian walk! I was willing to trust the LORD with my very life, in an area that had put me in the
hospital before, almost to the point of death!
I maintained my normal routine of getting up early, between 1 AM and (no later than) 4 AM. I went to
work as usual and even maintained my six day a week work out schedule. The first day was the hardest,
with having to convince my flesh that it didn’t need food to exist (I didn’t do it, but the LORD did.) A
favorite verse was used when hunger pains came, Proverbs 3.5,6 (Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge HIM and HE shall direct thy paths.)
Around day three I began to get headaches, but I praised the LORD for these and thanked HIM that I was
worthy to suffer for HIS name. On Easter Sunday things were the hardest yet, not because of a longing for
food, but because we had a sunrise service with snacks served afterwards. Numerous people keep offering
me slices of coffee cake and I had to pass on them. Finally, to make them happy, I took a large piece and
wrapped it up for later. You see, to fast properly one can’t display the fact to others, a fast is between you
and GOD and others shouldn’t be in on it. (Sure there are group fast, but this wasn’t one, it was personal.)
I even went to dinner that afternoon and passed on it and it was a good meal I was told. Almost like mom
would make. At sunset that evening I thanked GOD and praised HIM like never before. HE’d shown me
that there was nothing impossible for me, if I’d but trust HIM. My faith grew greatly that day. Never before
in my life had my body been under full control. There had always been those fleshly needs that had to be
met. No longer was I to be a slave to my body. The feeling and knowledge of having this happen is
awesome, to hard to put into words.
There was something else going on in my life at this time also. Earlier in the year, mid February I’d had a
heart attack and over the next month they’d preformed numerous test. All with the same results, I was to
be scheduled for a long surgery consisting of five major procedures at once! I’d received notice of this just
before beginning the fast and was supposed to let them know whether or not I would let them do it. After
the fast, it had been decided for good. GOD had given me a totally new heart and there would be no need
for any operation. I told them that the only way I’d consent to an operation was if they preformed another
complete set of test, this time more extensive. They agreed to my request. Several weeks later I was taken
to Cox South Hospital, to a special cardiac section. I was among civilians and not cuffed, this was to keep
me from having any type of stress during the procedures. There were guards everywhere and escape was
the farthest thing from my mind. While waiting, between the series of test, I did my usual, I sat and read a
Bible. I wasn’t supposed to talk to civilians while there, except hospital staff, but several times I was
questioned by them about my being there. I made the reply as short as possible, by telling them that I was
the reason for all the guards around. This usually kept the talk very brief. Most of the times they’d change
seats. It just made me smile even more than usual. You’d be surprised the reactions people give you when
they find out you’re a federal prisoner and are sitting right next to them unrestrained. I felt sorry for most
of them and prayed for the LORD to convict their hearts over their judgmental attitudes.
To this day I’ve never had that multi procedure operation, to be a fact, they couldn’t even find the scar
tissue from my birth defect (which had shown up clearly in the first test series.) The doctors couldn’t
explain it and they wouldn’t take my explanation for it, but they did decide to take my name off any surgery
list. I had a totally new heart. Praise the LORD JESUS !!!!!!!
Only by grace
It is only by grace that we’re allowed to live another day, this isn’t in our control, but in the hands of a
loving GOD. There is nothing we can do about this fact. GOD could at any moment decide our time is up
and remove us from this world. If you’re still reading this, GOD has a purpose for you. It may not be clear
exactly what it is, but guaranteed, HE has a reason for you still being in existence. If there is one thing
scientist have figured out about GOD, this is the fact that HE is the utmost perfectionist. Everything in the
natural world is perfectly organized and fitted together. Everything has a reason for existing and/or
happening.
More and more within my life I was to find this to be true. GOD has a purpose for everything that
happens, good or bad. One day we were called out on an emergency welding job. We had to replace a bar
grill, which had been in the plans, but not at this point in time. There had been something happen in this
unit, that made this job a priority. We had finished most of the work when we realized we were missing a
pair of safety glasses. Normally this would of been no problem, someone would of gone for them, but we
had to have this job done pronto. There was a cut, with a plasma torch that would take about five minutes
to do and welding shield lens are just to dark to use for this. I told Brian that I’d do this cut myself, but
would need to go directly to OPD (the doctors) afterwards, because I knew this would burn my eyes. (A
plasma cutter uses electricity instead of gases to cut.) He told me to be quick and careful. In a short time
this cut was done and we were cleaned up, job complete. Brian asked how my eyes felt. I said that they
were burnt real good and starting to hurt bad. So off to OPD we went. He called ahead and had a doctor
ready for me. The doctor looked at my eyes within minutes and called for a specialist (optometrist), neither
had ever seen such fresh ‘flash burns’. My eyes were blistering up as they examined them. I was given some
pain meds, dark sunglasses and two types of eye drops, plus 3 days off from work. I was also given a pass
to have the glasses on within the building (sun glasses weren’t permitted within the building.)
Needless to say, I’d been standing on the praise practice since starting the cut. If you’d listened close
enough, you’d of heard me. But my eyes were still burned pretty bad. Why? I was wondering. The next
morning I found out why. Since there was no possible way for me to read anything at all, I decided to listen
to a bunch of talk series on a Christian radio station. One with Charles Swindoll came on and within
minutes I knew exactly why my eyes were burned. He was talking about his early life as a Christian and
those things he’d experienced and benefitted from. He began talking about how he’d read the New
Testament, one book a day for thirty days before going on to the next book. Praise the LORD! My heart
was suddenly convicted, this was what I was to do. For the rest of this day and the next, I listened to the
radio, even taking notes at times (like writing with your eyes closed, but they were readable.) On the third
day, I began reading and for the next 27 months read one book per day for thirty days straight.
What this has done to my Christian walk and my understanding of the gospel is impossible to state, it has
been highly beneficial though. After this experience there has seldom been any length of time that I’ve not
practiced praise and thanksgiving at all times. Sure there’s been periods where this didn’t happen, but the
LORD has always managed to have me break out one of my Carothers’ books and it begins again.
When you first hear about this practice, you’ll think these people are nuts! I know I did. But believe me,
it is the truth and does work! One day I was carrying a screen door around, when a gust of wind slammed it
into the side of my face. Right at the temple area. It hurt like the dickens and I knew it would result in a
blackeye, but instantly I praised the LORD and told satan he’d not succeed with his plans. In all rights I
should of had one good shiner, it didn’t even swell up, let alone get black. I praised the LORD even more.
If any principle has ruled my walk as a Christian it would be this one. I’ve had more trials and tribulations
then I can count. Every time I invoke this principle, the results are awesome. Maybe not exactly what I
wanted, but in the long run they work out for the best. You must know/remember that what GOD wills for
our lives isn’t always what we want. As a Christian you must learn to except this fact. GOD’s wisdom is far
greater then ours and it always comes out to benefit the KINGDOM of GOD!!! In the next several pages
I’ll give you a few more examples.
Several months before my arrest on the bank robbery I was arrested for not returning a rental truck. I’d
rented it one-way in Ohio, with the intent of traveling around for awhile with it. This had been the only way
to afford the move. After having the truck for a month, having driven to North Carolina and then to
Springfield, I was busted with it. While awaiting trial for this I did the robbery and you know that story.
While I was locked up in ‘Club Fed’ this was haunting me. It would keep me from getting released to a
halfway house and possibly have me extradited back to Ohio to stand trial on this charge (grand theft auto).
As it had been stated I wasn’t looking for any time in a halfway house. I’d tried contacting the authorities in
Ohio to have these charges dropped. My counselor had tried the same, all with no luck. I continued to
praise the LORD for everything within my life. One day I was called to the counselor’s office and he had a
big surprise for me. He’d finally gotten up with someone who sat down and did some paper work and
found out that the charges had been dropped for almost 4 years! Guess what came out of my mouth?
That’s right, Praise the LORD!!! Up until this time, they were looking to expedite me to Ohio. Which
would of happened before they’d of found out the charges had been dropped. I’d of been in the middle of
nowhere Ohio with no transportation.
Several month before my release I had my hair cut. It was 42 inches long and people were calling me by
my SAVIOR’s name. I didn’t hold myself worthy to be referred to in that manor. Well a Christian brother
cut it and gave me a ponytail 21" long, now this was considered as contraband, but I was led to keep it for
ministry purposes. During my checkout, on Oct. 26,1998, down in R&D, the officer was going through all
my belongs with a fine tooth comb. Just as he was getting to the box with my hair in it, a higher officer
comes busting in. ‘What the he** is he doing here?’ The officer responded with that I was being released.
The other officer yelled back, ‘We’ve got D.C. upstairs for a surprise inspection, get him the he** out of
here now!’ With this the check out stopped and I was dressed out quickly and taken upstair to get my
personal funds and wait for a cab. Believe me I was praising the LORD all the way to the halfway house.
I’ve still got that ponytail to this day. Praise the LORD!!!
By the Red Sea
Here I am, looking at the front doors of the Alpha House, a small rock and plaster building, my home for
the next four months. I’d not been prepared for this part of my incarceration, but it was truly welcomed. It
would give me a chance to get organized before stepping back out into society. There were mostly new
faces around this place, but a few had known me from the inside. This would be the beginning of the test of
my staying power, I had no doubts as to the validity of my faith. But there were those who were just
waiting to see me fall away. Life for me continued as before. Up early for prayer and Bible reading and then
off to a daily routine of whatever. I hadn’t heard from my wife or family for almost a year, so I wasn’t
dependant on them. I knew I would have to get out and get going with a normal routine of work.
It took but a few days for me to find a job. Specialty Vehicle Manufacturing needed a good welder and
they specialized in putting ex-cons to work. The boss had been incarcerated so he knew how hard it was
for one to get a job. This was a good deal, until I found out he used every one of us to line his pockets.
He’d rip you off in no time if you didn’t pay attention. So I kept my eyes on my time sheet and paycheck
constantly. Other’s weren’t so fortunate.
Everyday I’d walk to work, about 3 miles, it gave me extra time to worship GOD, something I truly
loved. Even during the harshest days of the winter, I’d walk. Many offered me a ride, but unless the
weather was extremely bad, I’d decline. There wasn’t one employee there that didn’t know my stand for
GOD and they respected me for it. They would even correct their speech when I was around, basically out
of politeness, but the HOLY SPIRIT was at work on some. Others it was just a matter of GOD’s timing.
About two months into my stay there, low and behold my wife showed up. She needed some money for
medications for David(?) and her current boyfriend Jerry C. drove her over. They were living in a trailer
park in town and had called “Club Fed’ to see about getting some money from me. They’d told her I been
release to the halfway house in town. So she showed up to bum money, because she couldn’t work and
Jerry couldn’t keep a job for long. I was only allowed to see her for a few minutes, since it wasn’t a normal
visiting hour. I gave her $25, even though she was trying for $35 (price of an 1/8 oz. of dope) imagine
that!) She didn’t argue about it and went on her way with a promise to come visit on a weekend. I didn’t
see her again until just before I was ready to check out of the halfway house.
When I got out of there, I moved into a nice little house, two bedroom, single bath, with a full basement
on a small fenced lot, not far from downtown and minutes walking distance from work. I’d found the house
one day after leaving work and I liked it’s location. There was even a small non-denominational church
nearby. Just what I needed. I’d told Nancy that it was there whenever she was ready to move back in with
me, so we could go on with our lives again. She’d told me that she couldn’t at the moment, because she
wanted to see if I’d really changed.
It wasn’t long before I got a phone call from her. They’d been thrown out of the trailer, for not paying
the rent and they needed a place to stay(her, David and Jerry. Steven was at his dad’s for the summer.) I
told her to give me a day and I’d let her know. I put this to serious prayer and the LORD gave me the go
ahead (even with Jerry moving in!) It wasn’t two days and they had all their stuff moved in. I was expecting
to see all my old belongings, but there wasn’t one item. She had a story as to what had happened to them
all. This really didn’t bother me at all, they were worthless to me these days. I knew that with these living
conditions, Jerry and Nancy sleeping together in a room, I would need plenty of strengthening from the
LORD. I wasn’t the one who had the problems, Jerry and Nancy both felt uneasy about it. I managed to go
on just like before, smiling my way through every day. It wasn’t long before Nancy had to start sneaking
me sexual favors. I’d never even thought about it, even though I knew we’d be together again as a family,
for how long only GOD knew!
I had one rule with their living there, there was to be no partying at the house. If they wanted to get
stoned, find somewhere else to do it. Since I’d been out, I’d had maybe 10 beers and really didn’t want to
go back to that lifestyle. A beer now and then was no problem, even for an alcoholic!! They abided by this
rule for some time.
Soon we had an addition to the household, but it wasn’t my step son, it was her brother. Noel S. had just
been release from prison in Texas and needed a place to stay. I checked it out with my PO, it was fine with
him as long as I kept up my spotless record with him. Things still went smoothly with the added person
living there, Noel slept downstairs in what had been a weight room.
One weekend I received a call from Richard Coss a prison minister that I’d met while in the ‘fed.’ He was
going to be in town for the weekend and wanted to know if I’d like to give my testimony at one of the
churches he was going to. I quickly prayed and answered him. Yes, it was clear with the LORD and fine
with me too. It been almost two years since I’d seen Richard, but I’d been writing him, keeping him
informed as to what the LORD was doing within my life. He’d not seen me without the hair and stash so I
was wondering if he’d recognize me or not. When he got there, I answered the door and he asked if I was
home. I couldn’t keep a straight face and cracked up. He look at me and then realized it was me! We both
had a good laugh over it.
We were shortly on our way to the Highlandville Baptist Church for the revival. It was about an hours
drive south of Springfield, so we had some time to talk, mostly catching up on the last two years. I filled
him in on what was happening to the ministry, I’d been gathering clothing, all kinds of household items and
food for those in need. At this time I had over a 1000 pieces of clothing and maybe a ton or so of food.
Things were being blessed greatly and more was coming in every day. There was but one need at the time.
I’d bought an old car from a neighbor and it needed tires, a battery and some minor work. It would take
about $250 to get it on the road. I never mentioned the amount to Richard, this was in the LORD’s hands.
I was welcomed warmly by all there and went to the back of the arbor to await my call to testify. I spent
this time in prayer, within minutes my shoes came off and I was ready. There was a good time of singing
and worship, then Richard got up and preached for awhile, then he introduced me. As I went forward I
could feel the presence of the LORD coming upon me, Richard offered me a microphone, but I denied it. I
began with a ‘Praise the LORD’ and asked if everyone could hear me. There were around 70 people there
and they all could hear me clearly. Even though I was standing there in my three piece suit, barefoot and
letting the LORD flow freely. People were intent on listening to all that I said. In what seemed to be only
minutes, which had been 30, I was through and the crowd was awed and sat silent for a moment. They then
began praising the LORD. In a short while the service was over and people began to greet me, thanking me
for coming. Many would shake my hand and slip something to me with the other. I paid no attention to
what it was. I just thanked them for having me and giving me the chance to give my testimony.
When Richard and I were on the road home, I reached into my pocket to see what people had given me.
I’d been given a total of $255. Richard and I were both awed about this and then I told him how much I’d
needed to get the car running. We praised the LORD together after that. On the way back, I told him about
the living conditions at the house. He couldn’t understand how I could handle living with my wife and her
boyfriend at the same time. He surely couldn’t do it. I stated it simply, ‘only by the grace of GOD was I
able to.’ We enjoyed the rest of the ride talking about what the future might hold. He had plans, but I was
leaving it all in GOD’s hands. He thanked me for coming along with him and told me that it had been an
inspiration to him. He departed and I headed for the house.
As I stepped in the front door I was greeted by a smell I knew all to well, They were smoking pot in the
house. I went in the front door and out the back. I went and sat out in the yard praying for awhile. When I
got the answer I was waiting for I went inside. I called out to Nancy. When she got there she was full of
apologies. I said it plain and straight forward, they had until the beginning of the week to be out of the
house. She started to argue, but I cut her short. You agreed when you moved in, that it wouldn’t happen.
They’d chose to do it anyway, so they had to get out. By the end of the weekend they’d moved to Jerry’s
mom’s house and even though she had the same rule, she didn’t know what it smelled like.
I was back on my own and it didn’t bother me in the least. Sure I missed my family and the favors, but life
goes on and the LORD was taking care of me with each new day.
It wasn’t long and Steven came home from his dad’s in Mississippi and with the extra head in Carol’s
house they were getting on each other’s nerves quickly. On Labor Day weekend the boys came over to
stay. Saturday evening Nancy gave me a call and she wanted to move back in too. There had been a lot of
arguing at Carol’s and she couldn’t take it. I told her it’d be fine, but the rules would be the same. She
agreed and Jerry brought her over within hours. The next week at work was different. I could come home
and not have to rush around. I could take a bath and dinner would be ready shortly afterwards. I guess all
the favors were blinding me to the feeling I’d get when I entered the house each evening. Then one day I
came home early and caught Jerry, Noel and Nancy getting high in the basement. I gave them a warning
and told Nancy there was to be no one in the house when I wasn’t there. She agreed to this and asked if
Jerry could come over on the weekend. I agreed, but told her he could only stay over one night.
The first weekend he stayed went fine, but the next proved their sincerity. I had to go to the store
Saturday and David and I came back to a house smelling of pot. This time I fell weak and ended up taking
several hits. It didn’t take much and I was trashed, going to bed real early. The next morning after
breakfast, I didn’t go to church this weekend, I took a couple more hits. It was some real good bud and
damn I was enjoying it. Later in the evening I talked them into a few more hits, just before Jerry left. I was
feeling strange, because I knew I’d let the LORD down by doing this It had to stop and I let Nancy know
this. That evening she decided to begin sleeping on the couch instead of in my room. She thought she could
get her way by withholding the favors. Wrong! I told her how I felt about what had happened and just how
it was going to be from now on. Two days later she moved out, back in at Carol’s house. The boys weren’t
very happy about this, but she was the legal guardian so they went with her.
It wasn’t but Thanksgiving and she was asking to move back in. I agreed again, this time was different,
she’d been thrown out of Carol’s and told not to come back. I let her know that this time, there wouldn’t
be any drugs and no Jerry. He could come over and pick her up, waiting outside, but he wasn’t allowed in
the house at all. She agreed again. Noel came along this time and he agreed also. Shortly after moving in
Noel hurt his back at work and was planned for surgery. He complained that his pain pills didn’t help, but
that some pot did. I agreed to let them smoke some, but only when I wasn’t home and the house had to be
deodorized by the time I got home. This lasted maybe a week, but I let it slide. He’d have his surgery and
be out of the house before long. The day he went into surgery his new PO stopped by, she’d not done her
homework and flipped when she found out that two convicted felons were living together. She went to
mine to see him, but he wasn’t there, so she talked to his boss which didn’t know this either. My PO
showed up Sunday morning at 6 AM, telling me I had 3 days to get him out of the house or I was going
back inside. I told him what had happened to Noel and that he was given a month mandatory bed rest and
that I couldn’t see throwing him out on the street. He told me to just get him out as soon as possible.
They checked with all the missions around town or at least they said they did and there wasn’t a place he
could stay. I put it to prayer and decided to sleep out in my car. Noel would leave the house when I had to
come in and then we’d switch again. My PO was ok with this, as long as it ended quickly, a week or so at
most. Two days later he gave me a call and wanted me to stop in for a visit. I thought for sure I was going
back inside. I was surprised when he said he had some news for me. Jerry, Nancy’s boyfriend was a
registered violent sexual offender. This stoked me. I went home and told her and she didn’t believe it. She
called me a liar. I called my PO and had him tell her. She still didn’t want to believe it. When he was
confronted on this, he denied it and said he’d done his time, 14 yrs., on a burglary charge. Nancy believed
him, I didn’t (what did he steal to get 14 yrs for! I knew better, my PO had always been straight with me,
so why lie now?) I had her check around, she had JR help her on the internet, but didn’t find anything. I
went online and straight to the FBI’s site, sure enough there he was. He’d murdered a 13 yr. old girl while
raping her. Nancy couldn’t dismiss it now. But there was to be a turn of events and she’d fall back to
depending on him.
After 21 days of sleeping in my car during the coldest part of the year, my PO and two US Marshal’s
showed up at work, arresting me on a parole violation. I was taken to Greene County Jail for a three day
stay, then moved to Laclede County Jail for eleven more days. Then I went in front of a federal judge and
sentenced to four months halfway house. Praise the LORD. There was one problem though, it was Friday
and I couldn’t get into the Alpha house until Monday. My PO had made arrangement with Jim H. of the
Victory Mission to pick me up and let me stay at the mission until Monday morning. There were some
extra stipulations placed on me, because of a letter I’d sent Nancy while in prison, telling her about some of
my past ways. The judge overlooked these due to my recent record, he’d talked with my PO, and if I stayed
out of trouble and kept all my appointed meetings, I’d be done my paper (parole) as scheduled. Roughly
three years later. Praise the LORD!!!
The weekend at the mission was most likely the best one I’d had since my release. I’d met Jim H. while
seeking information on starting my ministry. He’d given me many good ideas about getting everything that
I needed to be accepted as a minister and a ministry leader. He set me up in what they called the CRP
(Christian Recovery Program). It was upstairs away from the street housing area, most of these guys had
been working on getting their lives back together and were working for the mission. I spent most of my
time there witnessing to everyone I could. The LORD had me higher than I’d been in a long time. I don’t
think my feet touched the ground all weekend. It was awesome. Praise the LORD!!!
You will see the deliverance
Monday morning came to soon, I really didn’t want to leave the mission. I’d been having such a great
time there. But I knew I had to go. I said a bunch of good byes and headed off on foot to the Alpha House.
When I got there, there were a lot of new faces, both residents and officers. I was greeted by a new officer
and than one of the old familiar faces showed up. They told me that I was the least likely person they’d
figured would be back. I told them what had happened and they just smiled and checked me in. It was wild,
being back there, especially because I was assigned a room by myself. It was a six man room too. Thursday
evening I received a call from my PO, asking why I’d not seen the counselor I’d been assigned to see. I told
him that I’d not been able to get up with her for some reason. He said he get back to me in the morning,
which he did. She was on vacation and would be back Monday and I’d better be there to see her!! I could
of been in violation already, but the LORD had spared me. Praise the LORD!!!
The halfway house began to fill up, but I was still alone for the next week. Then the peace an quiet was
over, five people assigned within 5 hours. The room was full. Three of them, I’d done time with in ‘club
fed’, the others where short timers, those from Greene County Jail who were there for but a short time.
Because some of these would only be there for several days, or at most weeks, I was graced with many
new faces to witness to. I’m not one of those ‘pushy Christians’, that hounds people to death. I allow the
HOLY SPIRIT to witness to them first through my actions and attitude and then through my words. Only
when they come up and question me, as to my difference, do I witness. Some within the church disagree
with this method, they believe that we must actively pursue people and witness unto them. The LORD
convicted my heart on this matter. I’d seen these types through out my life and truly, they disgusted me.
They were a turn off. You know as well as I do, that no one likes to be told what they ‘MUST DO!’ The
LORD had laid this verses upon my heart, John14.6 and 6.44. Many are familiar with verse 14.6, “ I am the
way and the truth and the life. No ones comes to the FATHER except through me.” But verse 6.44 fewer
recall, but this is the kicker, that verse which truly tells us who starts the witnessing process, “No one can
come to me unless the FATHER who sent me draws him,” So, how can I witness to a person, if at first
they’ve not been drawn by GOD the FATHER through the convicting power of the HOLY SPIRIT? It
would be just wasted breath and words falling upon a barren heart. CHRIST alludes to this in the parable of
the sower, Matthew 13.3-8, where the good ground, that which fully accepts the seed and produces a crop,
has been prepared to receive the seed (the WORD of GOD) JESUS).
There were those that I talked to that saw the errors of their lives and excepted JESUS as LORD and
SAVIOR. These I would help in getting a good start on the path to a fuller relationship with GOD. I’d
introduce them to the different ways of studying the Bible. But most importantly I’d relate to them how
they must seek out the LORD and find that personal relationship with HIM. This is what faith in JESUS is
about, a close personal relationship with the ONE that gave HIS life for you. We can not know someone
well unless we strive to know them better. You couldn’t know a wife or girlfriend well if you didn’t spend
time with them! So how can you know GOD, if you don’t spend time with HIM?
Of course there were those that didn’t want to listen, not just to me, but to that inner voice of GOD that
was convicting them about their lives. To these I’d just pray for their salvation and leave the rest up to
GOD. For until a man can see the errors of his ways and humbles himself before GOD and man, nothing
can be done to convince him that his way isn’t the best for him. GOD did create us with a will of our own
and we must be the one that openly makes the choice. GOD doesn’t force anyone to follow HIM! The
choice is your’s and your’s alone!!
Having changed jobs, before my arrest this time, I was in need of re-employment. I ended up taking a
welding test at Trinity Rail, a manufacturer of train cars. On my first test I had some trouble on the weld
and pointed it out to the instructor that would test it. Two days later I received a call from them. I’d failed
this first test, but because I’d known what had happened and where the imperfection was, they scheduled
another test date. But it wasn’t for another week and I needed to find a job, as part of my release
agreement. So for several days I worked with a temp service. This job was kind of nice. I was working
around 98% women and the work was easy. We were packaging and boxing bath salts for distribution to
other stores. I met a lot of people here and enjoyed talking with them all. The work was of the type where
you could talk and work without the worry of messing up to badly. So I got to witness while I worked! It
was truly a pleasure and my smile reflected this fact.
Several days after my second weld test I was notified as to a start date. The biggest problem with this job
was the fact that it was all the way on the other side of town. I’d have to take the bus to work and because
of my working night shift, walk across town in the middle of the night. The halfway house allowed you one
hour after your quitting time to be back at the facility. The walk was about four miles, so I really had to
hoof it! This walk took me through some of the worst neighborhoods in Springfield, but not once did I
experience any problems. Praise the LORD!!!
While I was in the halfway house, I received a call from my landlord. He’d not received any rent
payments on my house. Nancy had said they were taking care of this. I went by the house one day and
found it a literal mess. There was a pile of trash on the dinning room table over a foot deep. It consisted of
mail and bills, newspapers, magazines and trash (food, dishes and you name it!) No one was home, so I
looked around real well. There were all kinds of evidence that could of got me or anyone busted. I wrote
Nancy a note (polite one this time.) Asking her to get up with me about this matter. Two days later, I
hadn’t received a reply yet, so I went back by the house. They’d been there, but still no one was home and
the house was in a worse mess than before. Needless to say, the note I left this time wasn’t as nice as
before. I told them that if they didn’t get up with me before weeks end, it was Wednesday, and make
arrangements to pay on the bills, they’d have to move out within two weeks. I didn’t even hear from them
with this and by the end of the two weeks, they’d still not left. So far they’d racked up three month’s worth
of rent and I wasn’t sure about what else. I went by again, and still no one was home, but they’d moved
out, basically because the utilities had been shut off. The house was totally trashed. I contacted the landlord
and made arrangement to start paying the rent off, but he didn’t want to hear it. So I agreed to clean it up
and move out. I had a friend from church help me get what was left of my belongings out and put them in
storage. Then cleaned what I could of it. They’d left food in the fridge and heat ducts, the house was alive
with bugs and odor. I ended up having to go to court over this and was stuck with almost a grand in cost.
This wasn’t much though, between the utilities and phone bills, another $2000 was owed.
I’d of been highly ‘po’d’ if I hadn’t known the LORD like I did. What I did was prayed for them and
asked the LORD for help with the bills. Soon the help with the bills came, in the form of all the overtime I
could handle. Within a month’s time these bills were paid off and I was looking for another place to live. I
liked the neighborhood in which I’d live, so I began looking in that area. Within a week I’d found a place,
right around the corner. It was ideal for a single man, as I was beginning to see myself. A garage
apartment, nicely done in solid wood planks and carpet on the floors. One room with a small bath and
limited storage space, but I took it sight unseen. That’s right, I didn’t even look at it. I just called up the
landlord and told him I’d take it. I made arrangement to meet him at his office and pay the security deposit
and first months rent, plus get the keys to it. He was dumbfounded by the fact that I didn’t want to see it,
can’t blame him though. To make it easy for him to accept, I told him that I’d lived around the corner and
was familiar with it. Few people would believe GOD had shown you a place and told you to take it!
I wasn’t in the house two months when Nancy called. Her and David needed a place to stay, they’d been
thrown out of another place and she’d broken up with Jerry. I prayed on this matter for several days before
I answered her. She could move in again, but if I ever caught Jerry or her brother there, she’d be on the
streets again. I found out they were living in the Missouri Hotel, a homeless shelter, and that Steven had
moved in with his uncle, Noel. I had begun buying an old Jeep Cherokee wagon, from a Christian brother
at work (Sid S.), so I helped them move back in. I told her that she didn’t have to worry about any of the
bills, but she did have to take care of the food for the house. She agreed to all the arrangement, but it
wasn’t long and I found out Jerry was still hanging around. I’d gotten laid off from work, due to a change
over in production, and came home early to find him in the house getting stoned. I told him to leave
because I had something to do and that if he came back, I’d have him arrested. He didn’t argue, about this
and it made me wonder. I told her she had better straighten her act up or she was out and she just laughed
at me. She was going to move out anyway. Her and Jerry were getting another place together. I just
laughed back, they’d both proven what their lifestyle was going to be. When they moved out I told her
she’d be back, she disagreed. A month later she called and told me they’d split up again and her and David
were living in the MO-HO (what everyone called the Missouri Hotel) the place was notorious for illegal
activities, even though it was funded by the Catholic church.)
Due to my layoff, I had time on my hands, so I spent a lot of time doing Bible studies on my new
computer. It was an old 486, but it ran pretty good and I managed to get it online. Also I’d bought a Bible
Study program (Discover the Bible by Logos) that really began to help me study more. Within a short time
I found myself wanting for more of a computer system. I had several credit cards and decided to go to a
computer show in town and take care of this need. Well I found a Pentium 2 system with a CD-RW and
bought it. It set me back $400, but I saw it as worth it. It would improve my Bible study tremendously,
because the 486 wouldn’t allow for efficient running of the Bible program. I could now have several
different Bibles open at once, plus other study helps and still have a bit of speed doing so. I went back to
nearly 100 hours of study a week and was loving it. But soon this had to stop. My funds had run out and I
had to meet my bills.
The family that had been living in the main unit of the house had been evicted and the landlord (Tim L.)
Asked me if I wanted to help us both out by cleaning it out and repairing what needed fixing. I jumped on
this opportunity. I didn’t even ask him how much I was going to be paid, I just started at it. It wasn’t until
a month later that he told me how much I was being paid, it wasn’t the best, but it kept me in a house and
paid the other bills. Soon Tim asked me if I’d like to work on the other houses he had (50+), to which I
replied Yes.
For the next six months I worked with Tim and his handyman Jay, doing apartment turnovers. When he
got a house that needed major work he’d put me to it alone. He’d seen that I could handle just about
anything I could come across in this line of work and if I couldn’t I’d call him or Jay. Then I got the call
back to Trinity, they had the shop set up and ready to start a new program, highspeed boxcars for Amtrack.
I told Tim that I’d have to go back with them, because their $11/hr was far better then his $7.50. He just
laughed and said that he’d have work for me whenever I needed the money. Which would happen
numerous times in the next several years.
Preparing to cross the Jordan
In the next several years the LORD continued to bless me. My studies ended up earning me the right to
be called Reverend Barth, I was ordained as of Oct. 23, 2002 and also received an honorary Doctorate of
Divinity. So I can officially go by the name of Reverend Doctor Marshall T Barth Jr.. I’ve taken several
online college courses to broaden my knowledge base. But believe truly, that it isn’t how much I know
about religion and the Christian faith that counts. Its how strong my personal relationship with the LORD
is!!!
The LORD’s ministry for me has continued to evolve, even though its not yet expanded into all that the
LORD has shown me it will be. But I’ve no worries over this, because in the LORD’s time, it will be that
which HE has shown me! I have faith in HIM and not myself, I was the one that had messed my life up, HE
was the ONE that turned it around!!
Over the course of this book, you’ve seen how much and to what extent the LORD can change a person.
My prayer is that in some way, something I’ve experienced in my life, may help you to realize what is
missing within your’s. Maybe you’ve been through similar experiences as I. Or maybe you know those that
have. The fact is, that nothing just happens in this world. God has everything happening as part of HIS
great plan. You read this book, because HE led you to, HE placed it within your life. There is but one thing
that can happen now. That is, that your life will change and you’ll be drawn into a closer, more personal
relationship with GOD.
It is up to no one but yourself . A choice only you can make, sure many can tell you that it needs to be
done, but until the LORD has convicted your heart of your need for HIM within your life. This will not
change. Again I will pray for you. That the LORD will become real within your life and you’ll turn it over
to HIM!!
GOD BLESS YOU
and
GOOD DAY!